Premeditated Misconduct

Because she was asked oh-so nicely, here is a nice compilation of some of Lyko's favorite pieces of Envy/Ed fanfiction, dug out of her memories and organized neatly for others to plunder through.
Enjoy!


By: absolut_artemis
Easter Treats (AKA: Better 'n' Sex)-- humor; Edward gets a visit from the "Easter Bunny," who has some special holiday treats in mind for the alchemist.
Mundane-- drama, angst, smut, alternate ending; goddamn it, this is how you do "fluffy" Envy/Ed RIGHT.
Dark Humor-- angst, drama, humor, MPREG.
( There really aren't enough words for this at all. Really. )

By: chauni
Curiousity Killed the Cat-- humor; Envy tries something he hasn't done in a long, long time...
Losing the Golden Reins-- angst, smut, touch o' Ed+Al to keep things lively; ...I think if I say anything on this one, I might spoil it.

Exploitation & Abuse of Power-- drama, angst, smut, hints of Ed+Al; Envy wants something, and to further his own ends, he..."helps"...the Elrics. But at what cost?

Between Pluto and God
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7-- drama, angst, smut, consensual, implied Ed+Al, post-series
( Why, yes, it IS possible to have consensual Envy/Ed )

By: gelfling8604
Drink It Up-- humor, lots of Fury; the military boys are having a bad day and so Havoc suggests they go out drinking. Envy shows up at the bar and all hell breaks loose.
Monologue-- angst; Envy, in a private moment, dealing with his anger issues.
Two Out of Three-- angst, smut, hints of Ed+Al, post-series; Envy keeps an eye on Ed by maintaining the shape of someone close to him.
Red Tartan-- humor, post-series, crossdressing!manipulative!Envy; Ed gets mobbed at the university by a visiting all-girls school, and one of them in particular wants something from Short, Blond, and Volatile.

Misc. authors:

The SUPERVIRTUES!!!11!one1! by darkazriel-- humor, crack; Ed meets the Virtues.
Envy by nakedmind-- dark, violent; Envy and Ed duke it out, but really, the Sin is just toying with the boy...
Letting Him Live by tir_synni-- manga-verse, ch 13-13: Envy, meet Ed; Envy, beat Ed, Envy; be slightly aroused by beating Ed. Actually set within a canon timeframe!
Cupid by kytyngurl2-- Set primarily in the events of episode 50; EoS spoilers, of course. Weird, violent, possessive almost-fluff.
Me Fausto Philos by devils_devotion-- "This story is a thematical retelling of Goethe's Faust, for which a mortal man sells his soul to Mephistopheles, the devil, in order to gain infinite wealth and wisdom." Simply beautiful.

For a bonus round:
wired_lizard wrote me some OTP for the oneliner/drabble meme that's going around. My suggested concept?
( Warm and Fuzzy )

and
yuuo asked for some from me and this is what I came up with:
( A thousand words )

There!
I have a few other pieces saved in my memories, but really, considering how long this took me, I stopped with what I consider the cream of the crop.
*looks over list, cries*
There really isn't enough really good Envy/Ed stuff out there...

Title: For Whom the Bell Tolls
Words: ~600
Genre: Gen-- angst, pastfic; Hohenhiem-centric
Rating: G
Spoilers: Wholesale, for the entire series
Notes: I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but I'm posting it anyway. May or may not be polished up later.
Previous Parts:
1-- Divine Proportion
2-- Day Star
3-- Out of the Whirlwind
4-- Risen From the Ashes
5-- Fallen From Heaven

...Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act, a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out-- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.

--Robert Browning, "Paracelsus: Part 1: Paracelsus Aspires", 647-655

( Wisdom of Solomon 3:1-6 )

H'oh-m'God.
About a third of this was beta'd. About another third hasn't even been reread. I'm posting it anyway because this simultaneously it is one of the hottest, kinkiest things I've written, and the psychology in it hurts me, and nothing I've ever written really compares to the way this thing makes me feel.
I'll polish it up and cross-post it later after I wake up.

Title: Seem the Saint, Play the Devil
Pairing: Ed x Envy
Words: ~7,200
Genre: Really angsty, kinky smut.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: I don't think so.
Warnings: Language, masturbation, bondage, pseudo-noncon, automail-kink!, fisting.
Previous Parts: Quintessence of Dust, More Sinned Against, and To Thine Own Self. I really recommend rereading the previous parts before starting this one; it makes so much more sense with all that fresh in mind, and more of the parallels are appearant.
Beta'd (in part): By the spiffy and knowledgeable yuuo
Dedication: For the talented and wonderful absolut_artemis, upon whom I can also lay the blame for most of the rampant kinkiness of this piece.
Music: System of a Down's "Revenga," Muse's "Hysteria"
Other notes: Definition of "envy" taken from dictionary.com.
Why the hell can't I stop writing in this arc? I thought I was done at a trilogy...

( I wanna feel you scream )

Title: Risen From the Ashes
Words: ~590
Genre: Gen-- Angst, Hohenheim-centric
Rating: G
Spoilers: Wholesale, for the entire series
Previous Parts:
1-- Divine Proportion
2-- Day Star
3-- Out of the Whirlwind
Notes: Jesus, these things keep getting weirder and weirder... ^_^;; Enjoy, peeps.

( The tales were many... )

___
*Some of the oldest scraps concerning the story of Abraham and Isaac on the mountain actually do report that Abraham sacrifices the boy, and that God returns him to life three days later as a reward for Abraham's loyalty.
If you aren't familiar with it, I highly recommend The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell, who explores the Hero archetype in myth and folklore.

Hi, kids.
It's that time again.

The time where Lyko jumps up and down squealing nonsensically and points frantically toward goodies.
chauni's Penitence

You will go. You will read. You will worship chauni's incredible wordsmithing. My god, she's slowly making me like Elricest, and I was hardcord squicked by it before. You all have NO EXCUSES. You are depriving yourselves if you don't read.

Title: Divine Proportion
Words: ~450
Genre: Gen-- Angst, Hohenheim-centric
Rating: G
Spoilers: Wholesale, for the entire series
Notes: There's going to eventually be a whole bunch of these style drabbles; I have far too many good ideas... It'd be a sin not to use them.

( He gave, and he gave... )

Look, people.

This is really quite simple.
I do not write for you. I write-- rather selfishly, I'll admit-- for me*. I think that this is more or less true of most writers, of fanfic or of original stuff. Now, don't get me wrong!; I love having an audience and I love the praise, and compliments and comments on the fics I post definitely spur me to keep writing...I won't deny that. And I would love more constructive critiques; I don't mind valid criticism about flow and POV and ICness and word choice.

However...
There are some things that are just rude, children. I generally give my readers a lot of information before they get to the actual fic, which includes pairings, rating on a simple G-NC-17 scale, heads-up on spoilers, and warnings about possible squicky things such as bondage, blood-play, incest, snuff, etc. Yeah, read it before you read the body of the story (which is, inevitably, under a cut after the information header).
Read it.
And if you don't like what you see there, or think that you can't properly appreciate the story and respect what I am trying to do, then skip it and go write your own damn story that is what you want to see and read.

DO NOT read the story and then tell me that it was all wonderful except for... I wrote it as I wrote it, and there are no exceptions. I could understand this more if people could give valid reasons for their except for...'s, but they don't; they just whine that they don't like something because it isn't what they wanted to see/read, the way they would have written it, what they want it to be. You know what? Tough titties, kids. My story. Mine. If you want something else, then you write it and post it in a public forum for me to critique, mmm-kay?
It's just fucking rude. If you aren't interested in reading Elricest, DON'T READ the fic that is labeled as such and then bitch about the fact that the author had the audacity to write it.
If you don't like the third party in my threesome, don't read it! Or go write your own.
You don't like the fact that an author used angst as a plot-device and you wanted fluff? Oh, its a tragedy, isn't it?
DON'T read a work and then leave a comment telling the author that (basically) "It was good as long as I overlooked this huge major part/point of the story."
RUDE!

I have other things I could be doing. I don't have to share my writing with you guys. I don't even have to write in the first place. Neither do any of the other talented writers in the fandom.
If you can't appreciate a work for what it is and only want to see what you want in it, stop wasting your time reading my stuff. I assure you that your lack of readership will not break my heart.

I am not saying that all comments should be complimentary; if you've got a problem with something, then comment on that, too, but it damn well better be a valid and realistic critique. I'd be more than delighted actually to run through a serious criticism thread if anyone really wants to do that for one of my fics.
What I am saying is that if you don't like what I write for personal taste reasons, then don't take it out on me. This is not my problem, and it's irritating to get comments that address issues of taste. The fics are labeled; you can see the contents before you dive in... You don't go to a restaurant and taste the bass and then whine because it's fish, ok? That's just stupid, and it's not the cook's fault that you ate what you don't like.

I say all of this because I have suddenly seen a bloody proliferation of the "except for..." variety of comments lately, both on my own works and on other authors', and I thought I'd step in for Miss Manners on this one.
In short, it's fucking rude, and I don't want to hear it/see it. I retain full right to flame anyone's sorry asses for pulling that kind of shit.

KTHXBAI.

___
* The exception to this is when I offer to write drabbles specifically for someone on their request, in which case I am writing for them, obviously.

Yo.
'Cause chauni is fucking amazing you will read this. Now. No excuses. Yar!
Of Royalty and Religion

(God, I love having my name associated with really, really good ficcage, even if it's not my own stuff. *licks*)

___
Dear God,

Too. Fucking. Hot.
It should not be over 85 degrees and 50% humidity at midnight. Never.
Crank the AC, dude, ok?

Sometimes I don't like you,
Love and kisses,
Jess, Unitarian Universalist Sister Spikey Mace of Reasoned Discussion

P.S. Where the ever-loving fuck is that Hohenhiem Elric I ordered over a week ago? If I do not receive said package soon, I'm afraid I will start negotiating with competing corporations, and I doubt you want to lose my valuable business.

What the Christ is this? No, brain, no! I want to write smut! Violent, dark, emotionally-traumatizing-for-all-involved-parties smut with incest and bondage and noncon and lots of NnnnggghhWTF!hawtwrongness to it! That is what I want, really!
...so why in the hell is something clearly resembling fluff spilling out across my Word document? It's not that I don't appreciate this, but... Hmmm. *turns things around a bit* Maybe I can salvage this. Maybe this little bit of sweetness will make any later fuckup-ery more bitter, more cutting.
*ponders*
Yes. Now, I just need to get my other player in there, but that's not that hard. He can wait while I establish some twisted psychology here with these two, and that way it'll make what's coming a little less border-line character assassination.
And then I'll take chauni's suggestions in the sequel, 'cause hell, yes, there should be a sequel to something this mind-melting.
Excellent.
^_^

*laughs* I don't normally do this, but fuck it.

Since I gave it a go, two other people have posted their Kim/Roy microfics, and damn it, they completely pwn my attempt, and so you will go and read them instead.


kakarotkit's Kindling
and
unlearned's No Rest for the Wicked