Premeditated Misconduct

I have the sexiest werewolf on the planet. LIEKWHOA, hardcore.

( Admire the hotness that is Gabriel Koboyashi, second beast of Revelations, right hand woman/wolf to Satan, assassin, smartass. )

*wibbles, then licks the beastie*
I so need to get cracking on Blessed Be. Gabriel must be written in all of her sexy, sexy glory.

___
The icon, interstingly enough, is actually a scan from one of Hirano Kouta's earlier pre-Hellsing manga that I cropped and colored to be Gabriel. It was too perfect for me not to.

It's one o'clock in the morning and there is the taste of carmel and coconut in my mouth and my headphones are directing the jangling piano and nonsensical yet somehow pleasing Japanese lyrics of a blasphemous and bloody anime into my head. My fingers dance along the keys and I think yes, yes, this is what i need to have on my "soundtrack" for the rewrite of Blessed Be...
I wait until the end and then find "Easy Jesus", another clear pick, and listen as I write, wishing that it wasn't one in the morning, wishing I didn't have neighbors, wishing my roommates wouldn't be disturbed if I suddenly cranked the volume and began gutturally snarling along with the song.

/walking down the freeway and the moon is gone
talking to the stars and waiting for the sun
the moon is gone
the moon is lost
I see the blackness and the plastic neon cross/

All of my older stories are getting butchered in my head. Some of them I won't even pick up for fear of the damage I might wreak upon their helpless descriptions and paper characters, on the words stacked like squat little brick houses. I look at the cozy little cottages and I think no, no, this is all wrong. we need porthole windows and double french doors; we need another room, another floor, eaves and scrollwork and flying buttresses. you can't have flying buttresses in sturdy brick bungalows. what was i thinking?
There's nothing actually wrong with those houses; it just finally occurs to me that I might use those same bricks instead to build a castle or a tower or an obelisk, but just the same, they are good houses, and I'm afraid that if I tear them down I might not be able to build a castle and then I wouldn't have anything to shelter my story and characters... I wouldn't have anything but the idea shivering out in the cold and an unsorted crumbling pile of broken words.

There was yet another unidentifiable and unknown person who had friended me. I friended them back. I'm such a sucker for an audience.

I finally have some breathing time this weekend. I can finally catch up on my homework. I can go to the gym. I can read all those books I've bought recently and have not had the time to read (The Right to Write, Wolf Night, The Chronicles of Narnia). I can watch all the anime I've downloaded and haven't been able to watch.
I can write and write until my fingers ache and the screen is dirty and blurry to my weary eyes, catching up to all those thoughts I've been writing down and have not addressed.
And I will write and write and write. Reams of analysis and explanation and personal essay and memoir and horror and fantasy. I hope to have another ten pages of my new draft of Blessed Be (damn, that thing needs a new name! Any suggestions?) and thirty pages addressing other issues typed up by Monday.

You want an anime microfanfiction? Challenge me. Give me series and a germ of an idea, and I'll give you a story, 100-500 words. Any series you know I am familiar with; any genre (AU, WAFF, humor, crossover, etc.); any pairing (yes, even hetero. God, the horror).

Look out world! Jess's inner demon muse is chained to the oar.

Feelin' pretty good. Day off; headin' to the library (with the specific intent of picking up a very smutty sounding novel called The Darker Passions: Dracula. MMmm, published smut. I hope to never again be able to watch Hellsing without giggling). Mmm, library. I love the library.
[EDIT: They didn't have it. Disappointing, but understandable.
I got 22 other books instead, gloriously hogging the express checkout counter.
Fabulous.]

Worked things here at United, and Lo and Behold! I might be accepted as a full-time student with financial aid and everything by mid-September! YIPPEE! All I need is the two letters of recommendation from Carol Shaddy and David Saetre (I've already emailed them about it) and my transcripts, which I can get now because Judith gave me the money to pay back Northland. Provided I get those three things, pass an interview and writing sample (oh, yeah, that's gonna be hard!), and take one more class...I'M IN!
*pant, pant, pant*

[egomaniac hour]
I FUCKING ROCK!
I FUCKING SHOOT AND SCORE AND IT TOOK ME ALL GODDAMN SUMMER BUT I HAVE A FUCKING JOB AND NORTHLAND PAID OFF AND I'M POSITIVE THAT I CAN GET EVERYTHING I NEED FOR UNITED AND THEN I ONLY HAVE TO PAY JUDITH BACK AND MY LOANS WILL GET DEFERRED, AND THERE'S A STUART DAVIS CONCERT AND TRIP TO ASHLAND IN MY FUTURE AND SWIMMING IN THE LAKE AND HARASSING PROFESSORS AND DRINKING SAKE AND WATCHING ANIME AND JENNY'S COOKING, AND EVERYTHING IS WORKING OUT SO FUCKING PERFECTLY AND YES, YES, YES! IT'S ORGASMIC-LY GOOD!
[end egomaniac hour]

*looks around suspiciously*
It's too good. I keep waiting for something to go horribly, terribly wrong. ~knock on wood, cross fingers, pray~

I've also got bitten by the writing bug again, and have written another six pages on Blessed Be. It looks as though it might be a real novel... however, I wonder if it works out well in text, considering that it was originally slated as in comic-style. I keep feeling like all I'm doing is describing the action panel-by-panel, page-by-page instead of writing a real story. I could have this impressing because of the dialog-heaviness of the story thus far though.
I'm having problems controlling Gabriel...she desperately, desperately wants to have sex with the Devil, and she's not supposed to want that. I plotted her to have a thing for the Antichrist, but she's extremely resistant to that idea and quite unimpressed with Lucas. *sigh* Unruly wolfling. Bad dog, bad.

Tom continues to drive me crazy, in all the little ways. He waits until the sink is so full as to be unusable to do the dishes, and then it takes him two days to get them all done; he never takes out the trash; he keeps assuming he's told me stuff that he hasn't, and insists that he has even when I've proven he hasn't; he stands around and stares at things; he gets in the way.
When Tom's around, even making a cup of tea can be work.
I like Tom...I just can't wait until I'm not living with him anymore.

I got to go driving the other night. Scary for Tom, fun for me. I like driving Marybeth's car in the dark down windy roads! Heh.

(NOTES:
Angela, I need your address before I can mail you anything! Call me or email me.
Marybeth or Annie: when are you guys coming back to pick up Hotseat and your stuff? Neither Tom nor I can remember if you told either of us...)

Angela needs something to read/beta. I know she does. So I'll provide for her a little.

( Blessed Be-- Prologue )

They are discussing the Antichrist, btw. Yay!

Contemplating the storyline of my not-quite sketched out pseudo comic Blessed Be (temporary name). You know, the one with the assassin werewolf Gabriel(le) Kobayashi who is the special secret agent of the Dragon, the ex-priest Antichrist Lucas (name derived from the same root word as "Lucifer"...how's that for cool attention to detail?), the nature demigod that likes to evangelize on streetcorners, and the retired angel Ophelia that runs a magick and fortune-telling shop. I think much of the plot depends on several random ideas that Jenny, Angela, and I have tossed around... for example, I'm pretty such I'm gonna make Christ a vampire, and that God is the bad-guy who just got to write history in His favor. I'll possibly even follow that Persian story of Lucifer loving God so much that he refused to serve mankind. I need to figure out what the Dragon and the Beast are and what they are doing; same with the horsemen (maybe I'll take a page out of my capstone on that one though...I am fairly lazy). I also need to really reread Revelations again and see how much I want to steal-- I mean, borrow.

MMMmmm... I need to start writing my wonderful, spiffy AionxSheda smut, which will be weird beyond most human comprehension. (Hey wait! I'm writing non-yaoi smut! I didn't think I was capable of such a thing.)
And I need to drive out the wicked temptation to attempt to write AlucardxAnderson smut... I blame that one on too much damned Stuart Davis music, which contains lyrics about God and sex and how "even the Devil is God." *smacks self*
Mayhap I will distract myself by writing EnvyxEd smut instead. There's just not enough of that in the world.

...

Whoa. I'm being more perverse than normal. What happened in my head?
*shrugs*
YAY FANFICTION!

Eh... I have to get working on my Human Conflict homework. Maybe this will teach me how to work with my mother without wanting to throttle her.

( Jenny-chan... *grin* )

I should so be writing more on my capstone instead of writing here.

Oops. My bad.

It's been a strange semester.
I mean, I knew over Christmas Break that I was going to have to write my capstone, and had rummaged through various things from X-Files comic books and videos to the Bible looking for inspiration. What ended up tapping over something in my brain was Lawrence Gardner's The Bloodline of the Holy Grail, in which he ties everything from Gothic cathedral stained glass windows to the ability of the Ark of the Covenant to conduct electricity (to the Knights Templar to King Arthur to the legend of the unicorn) to Jesus surviving the Crucifixion and the continued legacy of Jesus and Mary Magdelene in the West.
This perked me up, and go me interested in things I've always been interested in but never delved into completely not tied together.
Then I spent a lot of time smashed between two crazy otakus in a madhouse of Inuyasha, Hellsing, Chrno Crusade, Full Metal Alchemist, and Scrapped Princess. Looney otaku who like to analyse everything and rip a series to bleeding pieces and inspire one another to horrible, horrible fanfic and -art.
And I'm in Intro to Christian Theology.

Lots of stuff is turning over in my mind. Percolating down through the seams in my brain and forming steaming puddles of mental refuse at the bottom of my skull.

Angels, gods, demons, Nephilim... power. Death. Heaven, hell, pergatory. Youkai, daimons, hanyou. Vampires. Ritual. Nuclear annhilation. Prayer. Lucifer, Lilith, Lady of the Lake. The Antichrist. The Fall, the Apocalypse, the Apocrypha, Gnosticism. Philos = love. Sophia = wisdom. The Serpent in the Garden, the apples of Avalon, the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, the golden apples Hercules had to fetch from the Garden of Hesperides, the leaf of the Tree of Immortality carried off by the guardian serpent Ningizzida. The five rivers of the realm of Pluto: Acheron, Cocytus, Phelethon, Lethe, Styx. Pandemonium. "Bedlam", derived from "Bethlehem." The Hero's Journey.

Hmm...
I may do something with this soon. My capstone project does tie a lot of things together, but I am learning and seeing so much more that I cannot write into it. Rythyms and patterns that exist on a different thread. New stories; new ideas.