Bisexuality

[lykomancer]

A long time ago, Ed said to me, "Stop saying that you're bi. You're not: you're straight. You just say that you're bi because it's trendy. Stop trying to be something you're not just to feel good about being open-minded. You need to accept that you're straight. And it's okay to be straight, Jess."

The other night, Randy said that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I hadn't had sex with a woman.* Flabbergasted, I asked if this meant that he hadn't been straight when he was a virgin. This went into a (mercifully) brief conversation in which he staunchly held that definitional sexuality hinges on sexual experience...which just floored me. I've never heard anyone say that.



...do other bisexual women have this problem of being told that they cannot define their own sexuality? What's the experience you all have had with this?



*I have had sex with a woman, thank you.

Comments

surfing in via FF and had to comment

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's not atypical. Some men are threatened by a woman who is open and unafraid of her own sexuality- especially if that sexuality by definition isn't exclusive to them.

Any guy who feels that way? Not worth the effort of worrying about.

[lykomancer.livejournal.com]

Any guy who feels that way? Not worth the effort of worrying about.

Eh, I'm more of a "call them on the bullshit" kind of person; I'd rather pick a fight-- if that's what needs to happen-- than ignore it. Now that I've noticed a trend toward this, no one's going to be able to catch me off guard again, which is mostly why I hadn't said anything before now.

I'm used to people feeling threatened by me. That's nothing new. :D

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Not ignore; I'd just leave them behind.

Your call, man. :)

[lykomancer.livejournal.com]

If I "left behind" everyone who occasionally said something stupid to me, I'd have to be a hermit.
Communication is key; how can I expect them to know they've done something wrong or offensive if I don't tell them? And how can I expect them to change their attitudes if they aren't made aware of the problem?

We've grown up in a toxic racist, sexist, hetero-normative culture. I'd rather address the issues head-on than give up on someone just because they, too, are a victim of their upbringing.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

You're a way more patient person than I am. Like I said, your call.

[chauni.livejournal.com]

Yes. I get told that I'm a "confused bisexual woman" because I enjoy yaoi. I've also been told I'm straight, gay, but rarely bi. Frustrating, let me tell you.

[hiza-chan.livejournal.com]

I consider myself bisexual and have been dating the same girl for over four years. Several people have told me that I'm gay because I haven't had sex with a man yet. I like guys, I just like my girlfriend more. So it's kind of a reverse on your situation.

[eviloverqueen.livejournal.com]

He is on CRACK. As a bisexual woman, I have heard a lot of shit, but never THAT. o_O I mean, it makes no sense.

NO SENSE.

AUGH BRAIN FLOSS. ;o;

[kinu.livejournal.com]

I tend to stay away from boyfriends and girlfriends. I just sleep with people. For the last, 11 months, that person has been a girl, and I adore her. I have slept with more guys then girls, and I have had crushes on girls since I was nine. In my opinion, that makes me bisexual. Realizational age; 9. Even if I did not have sex with a girl before I was 17, that doesn't mean I 'turned' bisexual at the age of 17 O_o You say you have had sex with a woman though. Would that not be proof enough to them?

Just tell them they are idiots and that they need help if they cannot just accept you. Sounds to me like they are not entirely comfortable with sexuality as a whole. Tell them to read some fanfiction. Go out and have some sex. Relax. Who cares in the first place about their friends sexual preferences anyways, unless it is a problem for the friend?

[yuuo.livejournal.com]

They're threatened by the fact that not only do they have to watch out for guys as competition, but the ladies, too. It's also not impossible that while you're bi, you may lean more one way or another, but still are in the middle, and that's throwing them off- I'm probably about a 4 on the Kinsey scale, which shows, as I vastly prefer women, but that doesn't mean I'm gay, it means I'm bisexual.

Nobody seems to get that. (Remember, we bisexuals are fuzzy pink unicorns. We apparently don't exist.)

[maxxim-huzzah.livejournal.com]

I count myself as bisexual, since I', attracted to both men and women, but have had sex with neither. (woes) That doesn't mean I don't have a raging libido that wants satisfaction. Randy sounds a little threatened that he's not the only one that can turn your crank.

While people say it's trendy, I struggled long and hard with accepting my attraction to women as well as men. What is trendy about fear, hiding anxiety and a near suicide attempt, can someone explain? :P It was hell until I made peace with it. Even if I ended up marrying a man in the future, to not say I wasn't bisexual would be a lie to myself.

[lykomancer.livejournal.com]

...never? Really?
Huh. I didn't know you were a virgin! Okay, then.
(I can fix that for you. *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*)

Randy is being fucking annoying right now. He won't say that he wants to be in a relationship with me-- and is still talking about hooking up with other women while in bed with me-- but he's ragingly jealous of Ed. (He won't say he's jealous of Ed, but his behavior indicates that he is.)

He's driving me. Fucking. Psycho. AKRGJLKFDgjfhf.hfgh!!!!!


I never went through any agonizing. I never had anyone tell me-- directly or otherwise-- that I shouldn't like girls, and for most of my life I assumed that most people were bi. It was a stunning revelation for me to learn that this wasn't the case.

But from high school onward...
Saying I was bi meant that some people responded by saying that obviously I was a cowardly lesbian who couldn't just admit that I was into chicks.

Other people-- like Ed-- responded by saying that I was trying to hard to seem "PC" and trendy (especially at our liberal, sexually-diverse college).

A college professor-- women's studies and English prof, lesbian and crazy feminist-- told me that bisexuality was a non-choice, because either you ended up partnered with a woman and rebelled against the Man or else you married the Man and accepted the Rule of the Patriarchy. (Note how apparently polyamory does not exist in her world; you can't end up with a partner of both genders.)

Nutty.

All this over a sexual preference which I believed was the norm until I was 14!