Unedited, un-anythinged writing drabbles

[lykomancer]

Several drabbles from my Writing the Spiritual Journey class:



The scent is rich, floral, as purples as the luminous clumps of flowers hanging like massive pale bunches of grapes from the woody shrub. It is the scent of love. It brings tears to my eyes. The heavy smell of late spring lilacs mixes with the refreshing, cool aroma of early May rain and fresh green grass, growing and new-cut. The grass is chill around my feet; drops of water drip from the emerald heart-shaped leaves of the lilac and spatter upon my bare shoulders, running down my body and plastering my tanktop to my skin. I stand calmly, wet with tears, drenched in nature's own cologne water, showered in love.
Green and purple... My world is washed clean, baptized in a new beginning, and I stand calmly at the edge of the dense lilac forest feeling cleansed, feeling whole, feeling that I am the phoenix. Moisture sticks my hair to my neck and I lift my face upward to taste the sweet flower dew. This is communion; come now, for the table is prepared.



Then Elizabeth asked us to make a list of unanswerable life questions, and then had us try to come up with an early memory associated with the question. Mine disturbed me.



...all I can think of is playing in Mary's (my childhood neighbor) yard-- running back and forth, dying multiple times, fighting for some important cause...struggling against imaginary enemies so that what was right could prevail, defending my beloved, invisible friends to the death.
"But in some good cause, not mine own
To perish, wept for, honored, known
And like a warrior overthrown..."
Flinging myself as the ground, spasming as the imagined blades pierced my body, watching my blood stain the grass... (A trickle slides down from the corner of my mouth.) Dying words of valor, knowing that I was a martyr for a cause that would not fail-- my mind's eye seeing my friends and comrades turn away, weeping and bearing my banner bravely, never forgetting my sacrifice.

--- Like an autumnal maple leaf sinking into a cold, still pool of clear water ---

Death is not triumphant; I succeed even when it seems I have failed.





I think sometime that this body is an inappropriate vehicle for the sublime. I want to destroy it so that others can see me as I really am.

Comments

[elanivalae.livejournal.com]

Why the disconnect between the body and the "sublime"? I suppose I've never understood that.

Besides, bodies don't make for very good masks, anyway. We just pretend they do, because it's scary as hell to think that other people might know us better than we know ourselves, sometimes, that it's harder than we think to consciously hold parts of ourselves back from the current of life. What's to destroy?

[lykomancer.livejournal.com]

I'm not my body, and sometimes I revolt and rail against it bitterly. It's not that I am dissatisfied with this body, but I hate equally any encapsulating piece of flesh. I wish people could "see" me as I see me, all spirit and mind, thought and emotion. Things get so diluted and distorted when they are filtered through the flesh, and I fucking hate that.
I don't feel like this all the time, but every once in a while it bobs up to the surface.

[bioriffic.livejournal.com]

The body makes a great sheild/shelter/cave (however you use it). And what you just wrote about is why the process of friendship creates such strong bonds- how much work and time goes into getting past your flesh... if I see you the same way everyone else does (not even saying I know you that well)then you wouldn't be so special to me. The process of getting to know people creates the relationship they have with you. That creates the different meanings you mean to each person. Akia means something to me but something different to you (i hope- heehee) and that's because of the process of getting behind the flesh. Otherwise we'd all have the same relationship with Akia because we'd all see him the same. By the way- how's asl lady? I miss you!

[lykomancer.livejournal.com]

I suppose that's true. I mean, it's also true that thoughts and emotions and all that are just chemical processes anyway, and that without a body there are no chemicals and thus no thought or emotion. And that without a physical body to experience the world, my views of reality would be extremely different. How does one feel love or anger or anything else if one doesn't feel it in one's gut or heart, in the ways your body lets you know something's going on?

But it is true that the closer you get to someone, the more easily you see past the physical to see their soul, or spirit, or whatever you want to call it. That is what makes friendship and falling in love and moments of real connection with someone else special.

I have a special relationship with Akia, but not as special as you. :)

HotASLLady is still very, very hot. *drool* I only see her a few times a week on my way to class, but she almost always says something to me. While smiling. It makes me go all stupid and weak in the knees. I feel like an idiot, which I think she thinks is cute.
I'm OK with that.

Miss you too, darling! Kisses!