Never-never Land...without Micheal Jackson.

[lykomancer]

It's just that I feel like one of the Lost Boys.

Daysha's got Carl. Wendy's got Ryan. Jenny's got Owen.

My friends Jackie and Shawn got married out of high school. Heather and Akia got married. Crystal Brown got married. Angela and David are engaged.

Heather had a baby. Wendy wants a baby. Annie now suddenly spouted that she is starting to want to eventually reproduce. Tom too.

Tom has a worthwhile job and dreams for the future. He knows what he's doing. Wendy plans on going back to school. Jenny could do damn near anything she bloody well wants.

And I'm sitting on my ass, half-heartedly studying a dead language that I'll never use while dying my hair an inprobable, unrespectable, and decidedly unnatural color; my ability to plan for the future has a range of a few hours (ok, maybe a day or two, but certainly not years); I'm going to seminary because I felt like it but have no other real reason; I'm not working, not using any of my abilities or talents (and when I do I get little to no recognition for it), and I can't even meet new people. I can't imagine living my entire life with one person. I can't imagine living in a house, not an apartment. I laugh at the idea of me being responsible for anything other than a pet and myself...not because I can't handle it, but because I don't want to.

I don't want to grow up, and so...I'm not.
And I feel sad because everyone else is, and when I comment on it, they reply that they are glad I'm staying the way that I am...but it's selfish of them, because I remind them of who they used to be.

*sigh*
Maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Comments

[elanivalae.livejournal.com]

I think it's infinitely better to wander freely until you find the right direction than to repeatedly throw yourself into a brick wall in the vague hope that your skull will eke out a door in the bricks.

Why not travel? I've heard of a lot of people who do it. They work two or three months, save up enough to go somewhere fun, lather, rinse, and repeat. It's easier when you're young because you can do things like stay in hostels and eat a lot of ramen. You have said you wanted to go places, right? It's not as bad working a shitty job if you know there's something really cool coming up in a few months, right? And it's something you can always stop doing whenever it gets old. Just a suggestion. Just because the Peace Corps didn't work out doesn't mean there aren't similar options without the hassle. Check out monastaries, temples, and whatnot, too, especially since you're doing the seminary thing.

Fuck growing up. No, really. There's this veneer on my life that gives people the impression I am, but nothing makes me want to scream like the idea of getting into a "work-save-do nothing else rut". >_

[elanivalae.livejournal.com]

And if I ever accidentally have a baby, you can entertain yourself by figuring out 1001 uses for it. I'd imagine babies make good pinatas, lower-back pillows for driving, hot pads, wheel chocks, and casseroles.

Maybe I can get the conservatives to pay for my birth control for me. D=

[ozen.livejournal.com]

I really dislike babies, and children are usually only amusing from a distance, and you remind me of who I might like to become. I have no long-term goals except to write well and to travel, and I don't write that well. I have under twenty bucks to my name and am about to take out a loan for something I don't actually *need* in any practical sense. Because I am young and stupid. And I don't know how unimpressed you may be by this, but I actively admire you and would have little objection to becoming half the cool and self-reliant puppy you are.

Fuck marriage, fuck people who think they know what they're doing, and fuck me. 'Cause I swear to god, you're hot. Attitudinally, physically, intellectually hot. Damnit. My opinion is not a good enough reason to feel better about yourself, but I wish you damn well would. You're doing fine. So there.

[lykomancer.livejournal.com]

...and fuck me
*sly grin* I see you've gotten into the mango rum again. =^_^=

...Anywho.
It does matter a lot to me that I have such wonderful, wonderful friends, and your opinions and ideas do matter to me. Indeed, nothing matters so much as all of you who love me, and whom I love.
Thank you.