(no subject)

Now, five years later, I occasionally find myself missing Randy.

Odd.

Time's worn down all the edges.

I can remember being angry with him and feeling frustrated with the shit he pulled, but I struggle to remember the majority of what actually pissed me off. (There are a few notable exceptions.)

The sex was very, very good.

My fonder memories of spending time with him have that smooth gloss of nostalgia: watching MST3K; the week-long submarine sandwich and hotdog feasts; hanging out at cafes; playing catch with a football in the park.

It felt like I was with him such a long time. In truth, it was only a little over a year.

If he hadn't been so antagonistic, or I so short-tempered, then maybe the differences between us wouldn't have mattered as much...but we were and they did. Besides, he never loved me. He denied that we were ever dating.


And I'm disappointed to realize that, five years later, my life is in worse shape than it was then. I have gone nowhere in five years. I've stagnated.