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Apr. 10th, 2004 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lykomancer*sigh*
I feel like writing something profound and meaningful and interesting, and I can't think of anything to actually write about. It's some weird mutant form of writer's block.
I guess I'm having one of those small mid-mid-life crises again. Still afraid of graduating.
Afraid isn't a good enough word anymore. Maybe terrified is better. It's hard to tell. I don't let myself think about it often because it's so...consuming. Once I start, I can't stop. Like Lay's potato chips, but not as fattening and more likely to cause insomnia.
When I left high school, it wasn't a problem. I had a place to go, and, at that point, I was still a kid in a lot of ways; if I fell I knew someone would catch me.
But I'm not a kid anymore, and I'm afraid of falling.
I wrote once that I'm not the adult I wanted to be, and dammit, I'm still not. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I such a jerk? Why am I so damned lazy? Childish? Easily distracted? Unmotivated?
I should be writing my paper for History, but I can't think of anything to write about. Usually typing the header jumps-starts something, but not tonight. I'm just staring at my name. The cursor blinks rhythmically.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm bored, but not doing the work that I should because I can't focus long enough to even figure out how to begin.
Tomorrow's Easter, and I'm half-assed contemplating Auschwitz.
___________
EDIT:
Stupid fuckin' universe. I hate the stars sometimes.
PISCES (Feb 19–Mar 19): You Fish are now swimming in deep waters -- so deep that light doesn't easily reach and the bright colors have faded into shades of gray. Don't get distracted by the depressing nature of the depths; it comes along with the territory. You have some powerful work to do down here. Face your fears. Shine your inner light into the darkness. And slowly return to the surface when you feel ready. Your friends will, reliably, be waiting for you.
I feel like writing something profound and meaningful and interesting, and I can't think of anything to actually write about. It's some weird mutant form of writer's block.
I guess I'm having one of those small mid-mid-life crises again. Still afraid of graduating.
Afraid isn't a good enough word anymore. Maybe terrified is better. It's hard to tell. I don't let myself think about it often because it's so...consuming. Once I start, I can't stop. Like Lay's potato chips, but not as fattening and more likely to cause insomnia.
When I left high school, it wasn't a problem. I had a place to go, and, at that point, I was still a kid in a lot of ways; if I fell I knew someone would catch me.
But I'm not a kid anymore, and I'm afraid of falling.
I wrote once that I'm not the adult I wanted to be, and dammit, I'm still not. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I such a jerk? Why am I so damned lazy? Childish? Easily distracted? Unmotivated?
I should be writing my paper for History, but I can't think of anything to write about. Usually typing the header jumps-starts something, but not tonight. I'm just staring at my name. The cursor blinks rhythmically.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm bored, but not doing the work that I should because I can't focus long enough to even figure out how to begin.
Tomorrow's Easter, and I'm half-assed contemplating Auschwitz.
___________
EDIT:
Stupid fuckin' universe. I hate the stars sometimes.
PISCES (Feb 19–Mar 19): You Fish are now swimming in deep waters -- so deep that light doesn't easily reach and the bright colors have faded into shades of gray. Don't get distracted by the depressing nature of the depths; it comes along with the territory. You have some powerful work to do down here. Face your fears. Shine your inner light into the darkness. And slowly return to the surface when you feel ready. Your friends will, reliably, be waiting for you.
