Let's make fun of Unitarians...

Since there is something carthetic about making fun of your own religion, in good faith I offer the best Universalist Unitarian jokes I thus found:

Q: What do you get when you cross a Unitarian and a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Someone who goes door to door and doesn't know why.

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On a related note...

From Beliefnet.com
Unitarians Begin Aggressive Proselytism Campaign
Tired of being the butt of jokes about their lack of an accepted creed and a reputation for wishy-washy, anything-goes theology, the Unitarian Universalists are on the warpath. Emulating the success of Jehovah's Witnesses, UUs are going door to door in an effort to proselytize for their liberal faith--whatever that is.

"People must have the right to gather in Someone's name for fellowship and weak coffee in red mugs," thundered UUA president Rev. William Sinkford. "People wounded by archaic creedal religions with rigid musical standards should be able to join a choir-regardless of singing ability!" There is even talk of sending missionaries to Third World countries for no obvious reason.

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A man went to a Unitarian Universalist service for the first time, and later was asked what he thought of it. "Darndest church I ever went to," he replied, "the only time I heard the name of Jesus Christ was when the janitor fell down the stairs."

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Q: How Many UUs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement:
"We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

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Arguing with a Unitarian Universalist is like mud wrestling a pig. Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it.

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A sign at a UU church read: "Bible Study after service today. Bring your own Bible and a pair of scissors."

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A street corner evangelist rhetorically asked a passer-by, "Friend -- do you know what path leads to the denial of God and Christ straight into the arms of heathenism and atheism?"
"Oh, sure," said the passer-by. "The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship is just two blocks that way."

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A visitor to a Unitarian Universalist church sat through the sermon with growing incredulity at the heretical ideas being spouted. After the sermon a UU asked the visitor, "So how did you like it?"
"I can't believe half the things that minister said!" sputtered the visitor in outrage.
"Oh, good -- then you'll fit right in!"

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For the members of any religion...
To have a few doubts is normal.
To have many doubts is a crisis of faith.
To have constant doubts is a conversion to Unitarian Universalism.

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Q: Why did the Unitarian-Universalist cross the road?
A: To support the chicken in its search for its own path

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You might be a UU if . . .

--you have ever been in an argument over whether or not breast milk is vegan. (OH GOD, I HAVE!)
--when you dress for a formal evening out you wear a little black dress, pearls--and Birkenstocks.
--you are unsure about the gender of God. (God has gender?)
--you own six pairs of Birkenstocks and your favorite pair needs to be thrown away.
--you get Newt Gingrich confused with the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
--the money you sent to the Sierra Club last year was more than you spent on your mother at Christmas.
--you think the Holy Trinity is "reduce, reuse and recycle."
--you study the "ten suggestions" instead of the "Ten Commandments."
--the only time "Jesus" is mentioned at church is when someone trips or stubs a toe.
--your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend's house "I'll remember to say my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' but I'm not going to say that dinner 'pledge of alliegance'."
--You think a Holy day of Obligation is your turn to do coffee.
--You get mail from committees you didn't know you were on.
--You know at least two people who are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built.

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A lifelong unchurched man suddenly develops a vague religious urge and decides to join a church--any church. So he sets out to find one.

His first stop is a Roman Catholic church where he asks what he has to do to join. The priest mentions diligent study and the affirmation of the Nicene and Apostles' Creeds, then--just to see how much the man knows--asks him where Jesus was born. "Pittsburgh," he answers. "Get out!" cries the shocked priest.

Next stop is Southern Baptist where the seeker is told he would have to learn Bible verses, swear belief in the Nicene and Apostles' creeds, swear off booze, and be baptized ("By immersion, not just some sissy sprinklin'"). The Baptist preacher then, to see how much this man knows, asks him where Jesus was born. "Philadelphia?" he asks tentatively (once bitten, twice shy). "Get out, you heathen!" yells the preacher.

Our perplexed protagonist finally walks into a Unitarian church where he is told all he has to do is sign a membership card. "You mean I don't have to renounce anything, swear to anything, or be dunked in anything?" "That's right. We have no special tests for membership, no dogma. We support total individual freedom of belief." "Then I'll join! But tell me--where was Jesus born?" "Why, Bethlehem, of course." The man's face lights up. "I knew it was some place in Pennsylvania!"

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UUs address prayers, "To whom it may concern."

UU Prayer: "Dear God, if there is a God, if you can, save my soul, if I have a soul."
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At one Sunday morning service, in of the very big Unitarian churches in Boston, a man was making a ruckus in the back pew. After every sentence the minister spoke, he would shout, "Amen! Halleluia!"

One of the ushers approached the man and spoke to him discreetly. "Sir, uh, we just don't do things like that here."

"But I got religion!"

"You certainly didn't get it here."

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I'm not even sure if I am a UU. I suppose that removes all doubt.

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Q: Where do Unitarian Universalists go when they die?
A: The Peace Corps