This is Jess's brain on hormones.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 06:07 pmWent to class. Handed in my annotated pain-in-the-ass-- finished! yatta!
Did not go to chapel or choir; got talking with a 27-year-old from my class and found out that he lived in Japan for a long while and that he would give me some of his books and/or help me out whenever I needed it (NEATO! Chester is sooooo cool!), had a great discussion about all sorts of random stuff while other people wandered in and out of our circle of discussion... and then I went to class, again, which was kind of a strange decision--
Explanation:
Even though I had attended my Historical class on Tuesday, I decided that since I had nothing better to do anyway, I love Paul-sensei, I wanted to see more of Theresa-san, and I get depressed when I leave school on Thursdays to go home, that I should simply sit-in on today's Historical class, too. So I did.
I sat through the entire three hours, even though I planned to only sit there for half of that...*is highly embarrassed*
I had had nothing to eat and three cups of coffee at that point, and I was practically spasming in the mad grips of possession by the Kohiigamitachi/malignant coffee-spirits. I mean, I literally couldn't sit still; I was practically vibrating. And staring-- in my twitchy, spastic way-- at that beautiful, beautiful woman.
Really, I was only going to be there until mid-class break, and then I was gonna leave and head to the Y! Swear't'God! But...but I got terribly, terribly distracted... I was beguiled, dammit!
I was all sittin' there, counting the minutes until break so I could find some food and douse the kohiigami insanity raging in my blood and staring, when suddenly Theresa-san moved to take off her coatish/long blazer type article of clothing.
...
o.O;;;;
She must have seen me staring. That's the only explanation I can find for the next ten minutes. My God, I've never been so acutely flustered (for no good reason!) before in my life.
She paused a moment, grinned, and reached to take the coat off again while looking quite pointedly at me and smiling. I fuckin' nearly lost it; I was already all giddy and giggly and weird with caffeine. I must have been the color of a stop sign, grinning like a bona fide idiot and trying to look anywhere but at her even though the room's not that big and she was pretty much in my line of sight no matter where I looked. And even after she was done taking that off, she continued to look directly at me-- Ok, yeah, it might have been related to my supremely, embarrassingly bizarre behavior, I'll give you that, but still!
I got myself together by attempting to school my brain into an attempt to write "Jesus Christ" (as in, "Jesus Christ, what in the hell is she trying to do, kill me?") in katakana.
That accomplished and feeling calmer, I noted that she had focused her attention on Paul-sensei. Ah.
Thank you, God.
Oh, but no...she looked up right as I breathed a sigh of relief and locked eyes with me, sending me into another paroxysm of lunacy.
Smiling. She was fucking smiling.
And we repeated this little "dance" of glancing, (me) freaking out/(her) grinning, looking away, glancing a total of four times. FOUR?! I mean, is that really necessary? Isn't that a bit excessive?
Christ. *needs a smoke/drink-- badly*
That was hard on my nerves. I was completely spooked by the time I bolted for break, driven out of the room by a heart-palpitating mix of caffeine and adrenaline. (And, yeah, I was also hot and bothered. I'll admit it; I'm a perv; her staring at me makes me hot.)
And so I stayed for the second half of class even though I wasn't going to.
I was beguiled, dammit.
*aggravated noise of despair*
Why? LuvaGod, I've only ever had a real, major crush on one other woman in my life; what is it about Theresa that just drives me out of my fucking mind? Why do I find her so entirely, incredible, perfectly beautiful, so utterly desireable? I don't even know anything about her! Why does she just get under my skin like some kind of disease every single time I'm near her? God...I mean, is this just simple hormonal lust or what? I've never felt such overwhelming lust for someone who was a virtual strange to me before, ever...and I don't know if I'm even willing to chalk it all down to lust, either.
...Christ, WTF.
Did not go to chapel or choir; got talking with a 27-year-old from my class and found out that he lived in Japan for a long while and that he would give me some of his books and/or help me out whenever I needed it (NEATO! Chester is sooooo cool!), had a great discussion about all sorts of random stuff while other people wandered in and out of our circle of discussion... and then I went to class, again, which was kind of a strange decision--
Explanation:
Even though I had attended my Historical class on Tuesday, I decided that since I had nothing better to do anyway, I love Paul-sensei, I wanted to see more of Theresa-san, and I get depressed when I leave school on Thursdays to go home, that I should simply sit-in on today's Historical class, too. So I did.
I sat through the entire three hours, even though I planned to only sit there for half of that...*is highly embarrassed*
I had had nothing to eat and three cups of coffee at that point, and I was practically spasming in the mad grips of possession by the Kohiigamitachi/malignant coffee-spirits. I mean, I literally couldn't sit still; I was practically vibrating. And staring-- in my twitchy, spastic way-- at that beautiful, beautiful woman.
Really, I was only going to be there until mid-class break, and then I was gonna leave and head to the Y! Swear't'God! But...but I got terribly, terribly distracted... I was beguiled, dammit!
I was all sittin' there, counting the minutes until break so I could find some food and douse the kohiigami insanity raging in my blood and staring, when suddenly Theresa-san moved to take off her coatish/long blazer type article of clothing.
...
o.O;;;;
She must have seen me staring. That's the only explanation I can find for the next ten minutes. My God, I've never been so acutely flustered (for no good reason!) before in my life.
She paused a moment, grinned, and reached to take the coat off again while looking quite pointedly at me and smiling. I fuckin' nearly lost it; I was already all giddy and giggly and weird with caffeine. I must have been the color of a stop sign, grinning like a bona fide idiot and trying to look anywhere but at her even though the room's not that big and she was pretty much in my line of sight no matter where I looked. And even after she was done taking that off, she continued to look directly at me-- Ok, yeah, it might have been related to my supremely, embarrassingly bizarre behavior, I'll give you that, but still!
I got myself together by attempting to school my brain into an attempt to write "Jesus Christ" (as in, "Jesus Christ, what in the hell is she trying to do, kill me?") in katakana.
That accomplished and feeling calmer, I noted that she had focused her attention on Paul-sensei. Ah.
Thank you, God.
Oh, but no...she looked up right as I breathed a sigh of relief and locked eyes with me, sending me into another paroxysm of lunacy.
Smiling. She was fucking smiling.
And we repeated this little "dance" of glancing, (me) freaking out/(her) grinning, looking away, glancing a total of four times. FOUR?! I mean, is that really necessary? Isn't that a bit excessive?
Christ. *needs a smoke/drink-- badly*
That was hard on my nerves. I was completely spooked by the time I bolted for break, driven out of the room by a heart-palpitating mix of caffeine and adrenaline. (And, yeah, I was also hot and bothered. I'll admit it; I'm a perv; her staring at me makes me hot.)
And so I stayed for the second half of class even though I wasn't going to.
I was beguiled, dammit.
*aggravated noise of despair*
Why? LuvaGod, I've only ever had a real, major crush on one other woman in my life; what is it about Theresa that just drives me out of my fucking mind? Why do I find her so entirely, incredible, perfectly beautiful, so utterly desireable? I don't even know anything about her! Why does she just get under my skin like some kind of disease every single time I'm near her? God...I mean, is this just simple hormonal lust or what? I've never felt such overwhelming lust for someone who was a virtual strange to me before, ever...and I don't know if I'm even willing to chalk it all down to lust, either.
...Christ, WTF.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}