lykomancer | (no subject) (Reply)

I...I can't...

I can't believe I said that! BWAHAHAHA!

Come back here, Father! I just want to love you!
...and besides, salvation is in my pants! Don't you want salvation? *grin*

(I love you, Angela, for posting the weird, weird things that I say where other people might read them. Like me. ^_^)

Speaking of that... *grin*
...I believe that my hunt for canon Anderson smut has been successful. I'll see when it gets shipped.

Yeah, I said "shipped." *cue evil laughter*
Hey, it prevents me from further contemplation of writing my own priestcentric perviness, so you all should be grateful. (And as both Sailor Iron Hentai and the Hentai no Renkinjutsushi, have a reputation to maintain!)

Ahem.

Geeezz... I can't believe it's the end of the semester already! Where did the time go? (Oh... into my capstone. Nevermind.)
Eee... I'm afraid to graduate. The rhythm of the last five years-- a time period which I have mostly enjoyed-- is over, and I worry that the best time of my life is drawing to a close. What if I don't get into seminary school; what if I'm stuck working a crappy blue-collar job (can we say Wal*Mart) for the rest of my life? What if everything goes wrong? What if I spend my entirely life living in this country, and never am able to afford to leave it?

What do I do if I feel myself sliding down the vortex into the sucking swamp of American lower-class mediocrity: drowning in bills and work that consists of stocking shelves until my back aches constantly; dreaming "of getting out, of getting anywhere," but stuck in second gear with the engine overheating until the damn thing explodes from the strain?

Horror of horrors, what if I end up like my mother?

I know that's not a rational train of thought. I'm stronger, smarter, more stubborn, more resourceful than my mother. I know that I can accomplish more...that I deserve better, and that I will see that I do what I want to do, even if it means fighting against the odds for years.

If I don't get into seminary right away, I can still take classes there and bring my GPA up until they let me in full-time. I can always move to Canada. I can always write for newspapers or magazines, selling free-lance to other publications. I have marketable skills. I'm not helpless.

I'm just afraid, and worse-case scenarios are the easiest to envision.

I have plenty to look forward to: hanging out with Tom (who no doubt will be the first to take me to a gay bar); living in an urban area and the pleasures that go with that; seminary classes; joining one of the Cities UU fellowships; having my bachelor's degree; maybe visiting Scout, a rat-breeder friend who lives in St. Paul, or even visiting/helping O.J. again, who owns the wolf pack at WolfWoods.

Mmmm... being stomped into the dirt by a trio of happy, 120-pound arctic wolves. ^.^ Life doesn't get any better than that!