lykomancer: (OroSasu War is Hell)
I realized today that I do actually believe in Hell; I suppose I should turn in my Universalist card.

I do actually believe in Hell, and that's because I'm in it.
And yes, I mean that as literally as my theology will let me.

Hell is the absence of God.
Hell is the absence of hope.
Hell is other people.

I am in Hell.

Of the three great theological virtues, I hold only on to love.
lykomancer: (UU Jihad)
Pastor Dan from Street Prophets: Let me tell you one thing: whoever it was that shot George Tiller as he entered church this morning was no Christian.

Sara Robinson:
[L]ynchings typically occurred on courthouse lawns as a symbol that the mob had overridden the authority of the state and taken justice into its own hands. So what does it mean when right-wing terrorists start gunning down progressives in the pews of their own churches?

As she points out, two occurrences aren't a pattern. But it's still kind of alarming that we can even think about two different murders that took place in churches in the last year.

We are no longer safe, not even in our own houses of worship.

One could even amend that to read: we are no longer safe from domestic terrorism, not even in our own houses of worship.

Homeland security, my ass.
lykomancer: (Weather Report Fits of Rage)
"Sometimes you just get the feeling the Vatican clerics have never even read the Gospels. A nine-year old is repeatedly abused, beaten and raped by her step-father, who also is suspected of sexually abusing her disabled sister. But the mother who helped the nine-year-old get an emergency abortion of twins is excommunicated. The rapist? Nah..."


More here. And here.

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." -- Anne Lamott
lykomancer: (UU Jihad)
This really, really offends me.

Whether or not God does or does not exist, we need to be worrying.

Either way, the collapse of the world economy is a human problem that was caused by human failings and needs solutions from human minds that can be carried out by human hands.

To believe that the Big Daddy In The Sky will save us all from our financial stupidity is ignorant, irresponsible, infantile, and above all, insulting to God (should one exist).

Also, happy birthday to me. I'm fucking awesome. YAY. \o/

Listen up.

Feb. 12th, 2009 11:57 am
lykomancer: (UU Jihad)
Some of you may remember the shoot-out in the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church last July that killed two people and wounded eight more.

There's been an update on that, and here's the word's straight from the horse's mouth: It was a deliberate hate crime against liberals.

Progressives should take three lessons away from Knoxville:

"One: we are no longer safe, not even in our own houses of worship. It's ironic that progressives -- the subgroup of Americans who were most determined not to abandon reason and succumb to overblown fears of Islamic terrorism in the wake of 9/11 -- now have good, serious reasons to fear real domestic terrorism against themselves.

"Two: A significant part of this country's media infrastructure is thoroughly devoted to inciting people to commit horrific acts of violence against us -- and now, we know for a fact that people are acting on those incitements. It's time to start taking this far more seriously. What goes out across our airwaves these days isn't all that different from what went out over Radio Rwanda a decade ago, spurring that country to genocide. At this point, it's only a difference of degree.

"Three: The right wing has, as usual, grossly underestimated our courage and our commitment. The members of Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist quickly and effectively disarmed and captured this man within seconds after he opened fire. Adkisson expected fear; what we got was determined resistance. It's why he's still alive today, and why more UUs aren't dead by his hand. The TVUUA congregation should be our enduring example of liberal grace under fire."

Street Prophets has a new "News from the 'Net" up I recommend their NftN posts; they have a definite liberal bias, but it's nice to see someone on the religious left's political opinion and ideas of what's newsworthy.
lykomancer: (UU Jihad)
Women's Liberation Through...Submission to Men. (Including a masculine God.)

lykomancer: (UU Jihad)
I suddenly realized today that I despise atheism now just as much as I used to despite Christianity in high school.

For most of the same reasons, no less.

"No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has The Truth. To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant."
--Tom Lehrer
lykomancer: (UU Jihad!)
This is part one. There will be more parts, but I needed to start at the beginning, so... *shrugs*

The word of the Lord came to Jonah, 'Go at once to Nineveh...' But Jonah set out to flee from the presence of the Lord... )

To be continued, eventually.
lykomancer: (OMG)

Jesus is a Mary Sue is love.

No, really. Jesus is a Mary Sue!
lykomancer: (Default)
It's a dark and stormy night here in Minneapolis, and I am sitting down with a cup of tea, the sound of rain dripping from the eaves, and all my candles burning.

Time for a little dark personal history.

When I was a little kid-- like, first and second grade-- I lived in terror that the sun would supernova and turn into a black hole. In less than ten minutes, the Earth and everyone on it would be sucked past the event horizon and be crushed by the incredible pressure within the hole. This was especially likely to happen at night; I was afraid that the moment I fell asleep, this horrible process would surely begin, and I would never again see the light of day. It's almost as if I made an existential leap of thought and fear, linking my consciousness with the with the existence of the world, as though reality was merely my dream... And if I lost consciousness, everything and everyone would perish.
For endless nights stretching into years, I tossed and turned restlessly under my blankets, fighting off sleep, fighting off the apocalypse and resultant nonexistence.

I slept under the blankets because they were my only shield against the monsters that came out at night. If they saw any of my skin at all, they would realize I was there and rip me apart; it worked on much the same principle as Haku's warning for Chihiro to hold her breath as she crosses the bath-house bridge in Spirited Away.
As far as monsters and demons go, I must admit, mostly, I was afraid of my mother.

I was watching a Discovery Channel Halloween special on vampires and vampirism, and the narrator was describing the seemingly infinite list of ways one could become a vampire...falling off the left side of the hay wagon, being born with a caul over one's head, suicide, being born with teeth. My mother was watching the show with me, and she felt the need to share that, in fact, she had been born with teeth.
Linking this with the fact that she lived in the dark and creepy attic, and that she was most active at night, I came up with the conclusion that my mother was a vampire, and that she came down from the attic after I was asleep, and that one night I would wake up and see her pale face leering over me, eyes glowing and mouth smeared with blood.

Needless to say, for a few years, I didn't get a lot of restful sleep.
One might think that I would learn that the world did not end when I closed my eyes and my mother behaved in far too human a manner to be a vampire, and then I would stop being so irrationally afraid.
Eventually, I did.
But it took a few years.

Sometime about...oh, I don't know...third grade (yeah, that sounds right), I was staying at my Great-Grandmother's house and found a religious tract. This is hardly surprising; my G-Grandma got all sorts of Christian letters and pamphlets and so on in the mail. I guess they thought she cared, or something.
Though I don't remember, I feel confident now in stating that the tract I found was probably from the Seventh-Day Adventists or some similar group, and the message of the tract was based entirely off of the Book of Revelations.
A literal reading of Revelations.
The main thrust of the argument was that people who worshiped on Sunday bore the mark of the Beast, and that real Christians and the saved worshipped on Saturday, which was properly the last day of the week.
Me, I'd been raised unchurched. I don't think I'd ever been in a church in my life when I read that tract, much less been to an actual service. I barely knew anything about the Bible when I first picked it up to research this "Revelations" book the tract authors kept babbling about.
I read all of Revelations.
It scared the hell out of me.

I eventually reread it, and then again; I completed it three or four times within a few months.
And I couldn't sleep for about two months.

Once, between those two different periods of night horrors, I was lying (awake) in bed (under the blankets), and something rolled over in my mind and I suddenly grasped the idea that I would not only grow up, but grow old. Stunned by the implications of this, I was wracked by heart-wrenching sobs.
How could life be so cruel? So unfair? I asked the universe, the questions cracking my lips and emerging only as a low horrified moan.
And the, just as suddenly as I had made this leap of understanding, I became aware of something else.
Someone was there in the room with me.
And He spoke to me in calm, soothing tones about the nature of growing up, growing old, and death, and when He sat on the edge of the bed, it went down under His weight; I felt it. His hand smoothed the blankets as He talked, and I eventually stopped crying. The Stranger spoke sense and wisdom and love; how could I not listen to Him?
The only impressions I can remember of Him is that of bright white light and the chocolately-rich melodic tenor of His voice.
At the time, I thought He was Jesus, stepped right out of that ugly garage-sale-find velvet-and-orange-fabric-paint painting hanging on the wall by the bathroom. I didn't know anything about Jesus, except that He was supposedly the Son of God and liked little children. Certainly that Stranger was kind-hearted to me, a small child, and as wise as only God could be, so that made perfect sense.

I think I've only ever mentioned that to maybe three people in my entire life.

Why do I write so many dark fantasy and horror stories? Why have I written at least five about the end of the world, the Rapture, the Apocalypse, or some other form of end times? Why am I obsessed with spirits and vampires and werewolves?

Impressions left on my vulnerable young psyche, that's why.
lykomancer: (Welcome to the Jungle)
[See title of entry, otherwise this won't make sense. This is not at all close to being finished or polished or anything like that. It's a teaser to prove that I actually am doing something besides homework. If anyone's interested, I've also started a new, short piece of fanfic. (EnEd, of course; why'd you even ask?)]

On the cross and snake )
lykomancer: (UU Jihad!)
"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! )

This is my religion, ladies and gentlemen. The whole essence of it.
lykomancer: (Howl to the Dark)
Tarot reading:
Lord of the Rings deck
Celtic Cross spread

Tell me my fortune. )
lykomancer: (This moment is...)
Soul-achingly, mind-meltingly beautiful.

I'm sitting here with my windows wide, wide open-- and they have been all day-- sucking on a roast turkey wingbone and a Dove milk chocolate egg. The salty-savory and creamy sweet textures and flavors complement each other so well it makes my mouth water nonstop, and I'm going to wash it all down with a swallow of hot, slightly bitter black tea.
Yes, yes, it's tasty, beautifully tasty.

When Wendy and I were out driving around, we passed an outdoor thermometer that read "57". Fifty-seven degrees! And that was at 6 pm!
The weather was perfect all day, really perfect. Sunny and warm without being hot, and I felt this desire in the late afternoon to go to the park down the road and chase the squirrels (while yelling, "Sq'rrl! Sq'rrl!" at them like a demented lunatic). I want to buy a cheap, big, colorful child's play ball and play lazy man's soccer with Wendy and Jen. I want to buy rosemary olive oil bread and nice cheese and sparkling apple juice and sit around outside having a picnic. I want to meet random strangers and invite them to lunch with me to discuss poltics and philosophy and the meaning of life.

I laid on my bed most of the day in the sunshine, doing homework. I think I read most of the New Testament this afternoon, all completely out of order. I remember pieces of Galatians, Philippians, Romans, I Timothy, and Colossians. I don't know what the connecting theme was in all of the readings... That's a sign I didn't actually do what I was supposed to with the assignments (i.e. pay attention to them).

Talking to Annie on the phone.
I was reading in another one of my assignments that in India you can ask someone-- anyone-- to be an incarnation of the God for you.
Annie is my God incarnate. Whenever I'm around her, my heart is so full of love I think I could die. Love... Agape. My breast is full of agape, and there is no room for anything else.

Owen is planning on helping overthrow the evil religious right. That makes me love Owen a lot. (Philos...)

I should take a shower and lay by my windows naked, the cool breezes trailing over my skin like a lover's hand as I study Koine Greek, the ancient words reviving as they hit the warmth of my mouth.

I should not worry about anything, just for tonight.
lykomancer: (Sanctified)
(This isn't friends-locked. What would be the point? I doubt anyone who isn't my friend will read this, and if people think I'm looney, that's OK with me. My therapist already has that suspicion, and she's more qualified than most of you people.)

I define myself as a therianthrope.
I'm not going to bother pointing out all the various places you can get a decent, coherent, understandable definition of this.
This is going to be my definition, and it's going to be strange, incoherent, wandering, full of loop-holes, and about as easy to understand as the Trinity and nature of Jesus. If you want definition A, well... go someplace else, 'cause this is all about definition B.
If you are going to point out to me-- when you are finished reading-- how my rambling makes no sense and isn't well-thought out, you can also go away. I already know that. I already said that.

And now, the rest of the story. )
lykomancer: (depressed)
A friend-- you know who you are-- once commented that she was boggled that I could be happy going to seminary.
I am.

Cause I Get Tired of Seeing How Much I Babble, This Is Cut )

Anyone wanna help me write/draw up Unitarian Universalist versions of Chicktracts? XD
lykomancer: (depressed)
Soaring Dragon

~my body stretches and balances, recalibrating; colors ripple and swirl around me in fiery currents of chi, drifting upward like smoke and blazing behind my gently closed eyelids-- yellow... I see yellow like pure sunlight on fields of jonquils and daffodils, bobbing and bending in the cool, damp spring breezes and I bend with them, bending with the currents of tranquility and it's yellow, it's all yellow... saffron and sunshine and topaz and lemon...caramine, cornsilk, butter, amber flickering all around me, twining in my hair and sliding over my skin like tendrils of primrose-scented incense, burning my mind with brightness like the sun: my mind is as keen as the play of light on the edge of a blade; I am radiance~

Swimming Dragon

~my body curves sinuously, hips and spine twisting like a snake navigating the Susquehanna River, all skin and scales and sleekness; I part pools of deep, restful serpentine-blue and inhale, sucking the currents into me and feeling my own body (82% H2O) respond, resonating with the Tao that is like a river returning home to the sea, sliding sensuously beneath the serene eye of the full moon which traces over it shimmering silver and subtle shadows, seducing me into submerging myself beneath the slow-moving surface-- I must leave shallow waters and safe shores to seek my own soul's true strength~

Standing Dragon

~my body rests; the dragon waits aside the bubbling hot spring, claws buried in the clean, wet, heavy earth-- my bare feet sink into the floor like the gnarled roots of wise, ancient willows, soaking up the power and stability from the ground... I am the bridge between heaven and earth; I am the dragon of Midgard wrapped around the meridian, eating her own tail, causing tectonic plates to roil against one another my food moves down my gullet; I bleed red (red-hot magma, liquid stone) and sweat geysers... I bring forth life~
lykomancer: (Default)
OMFG... this is so entirely FUBAR. It's educational, and anti-Bush. And that little bitch Paris Hilton killed my Christopher Reeves, dammit. But I got to squash Tom Ridge and the breeding Bushes. That was cool.

I overslept and missed my therapy. Damn. Y'know, I thought about setting my alarm clock last night, and then I thought, Nah... it shouldn't be a problem; I'm actually going to bed at a normal time. Well, it was a problem, as my body decided it needed 12 hours of sleep... weird, because usually I wake up a few times through-out the morning when I sleep past ten or so, but I didn't. I got up at 6-- saw that Jen's light was still on-- went to the bathroom and got some water, and then didn't move until 1:20ish.

Taoism is going to be a wonderful, wonderful class. I'm so glad I'm taking it.
(*gets distracted*) Mmm... Crab chip-breakfast... Crab chips are delicious, and mine!
Right, Taoism. The professor's a Unitarian who wandered in wearing a funky Cat-in-the-Hat/jester's cap combination in blue and yellow. We did some Qi Gong and Tai Chi in class; we have such things as Taoist Cooking and Journey to the West on reserve in the library for us; part of class involves going out for Chinese food twice, and learning about the Tao of tea. Ted's planning on having his acupuncturist in, who needs a translator, because she's actually from China. I love it.

It's funny, too, 'cause I was thinking yesterday that maybe some of my confusion lies in my own dualities. Neither completely human nor animal; acting both canine and feline; both female and male; not hetero- nor homosexual; possessing traits of extroversion and introversion; pnuema and sarx. Does identity matter? At what point do your own contradictions begin to tear you apart?
And in Taoism, that was addressed. (Ok, maybe not that -exactly-, but you know.) Within the Tao, there is no stress between complete opposites; they compliment and fullfull each other. There is no stress. The vinegar may be sour and bitter, but that is exactly what makes it vinegar, and that is a wonderful thing.

Moon Tears

Nov. 5th, 2004 11:26 am
lykomancer: (Default)
They say that the Coyote
howls because
he is crying for
his long-
lost lover.
I have to
when I tip my head back to
look at the stars and
what it is that
I am crying for.
lykomancer: (Happy)
I'm having a spectacularly wonderful day.

I spoke to Hot ASL Lady, and I managed to do it a)clearly, b)coherently, c)non-pervertedly. Yes, ladies and gents, I held an actual, reasonable, two-minute conversation with Hot ASL Lady without becoming flustered in any way.
Her name is Theresa, and she was sick today. (Is it bizarre that I find myself slightly hopeful that I caught her germs? I think maybe...) My God, I even touched her to shake her hand.
(For some reason, my brain was very, very insistant on trying to speak to her in Japanese-- and yes, I could have done my entire half as such-- though I don't have any idea why "Onamae wa nan desu ka?" and the rest sprang to my lips and denied almost completely the English equivalent. Thank God for my subconscious and its reflexive nature.)
When I think about this I get a very bad case of the fluff-headed looney giggles. I feel that I suddenly have a firmer grasp on the definition of "twitterpated."

Chapel was touching as always, and I only wish the preacher-of-the-day would just continue instead of stopping. Today's subject was a homily on the story of Jacob wrestling with God, and how our struggles are transforming and our pain a blessing, and I moved, so...indescribably syncopated with Jan's words and message. When life gets too hard, I may be suffering, but there is a purpose to it. I just need to keep in mind that it is not forever; I do have the power to change parts of my situation; this is making me stronger. It brings me closer to God, until I see face to face.
(However, over and over at seminary, despair is described as heresy. Augustine claimed it was the heresy against hope; many preachers and teachers say that it is the inverse of faith... That doubt and questioning are healthy for faith, but that despair and faith are completely incompatible. Having dragged myself through periods of depression and despair, I seriously disagree. It is when I am most in despair that I feel the most faith.)


lykomancer: (Default)

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