Jun. 20th, 2005 07:38 am
lykomancer: (Give All That's Within You)
To do today:

Deposit Wendy's money
Clean Kimbley's cage
Hang pictures and mirror
Straighten up room

Apply to Ikea
Finish writing damned paper and email to professor

[EDIT: Oh my God, I don't remember being this tired in a loooong time. I'm in class, and I keep extended blinking and waking up when my head starts to fall forward. I've already apologized to my professor. She must think I'm a terrible student. If it wouldn't completely ruin my grade, I'd catch the bus home now.]
lykomancer: (Approaching Deadlines!)
Time for Jess to compile Ye Olde Lists:

Why does this list never seem to get shorter? )

Or something else? Maybe I should read, instead.
What Jess has been reading and not finishing )

Or watching the anime I've downloaded and haven't bothered watching all of: Wolf's Rain, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Spiral, the 14th episode of Elfen Lied. Or watching what I have seen, but would like to watch again/should watch again: Fushigi Yuugi and Fullmetal Alchemist.
Or finding and watching Loveless, which looks like something I really want to see. (Kitty boys and shounen-ai, oh my! ^_^)

Or if I was feeling really adventurous, I could tackle a few other projects:
Like studying Greek, Latin, or Japanese.
Like translating from Koine Greek the Revelation of John.
Like posting a long, rambling diatribe on Taoist alchemy in my own community.
Like looking for a job. -_-;;;

lykomancer: (Approaching Deadlines!)
I just realized how much fanfic I need to get cracking on. Oh, I'm goin' to hell.

Still undone drabble requests:
First drabble request meme for [profile] devils_devotion: Roy/Ed

Second drabble request meme fics:
For [profile] tsukiguujin-- Roy/Ed, "You want me to do WHAT!?" Ed said, face filling with color.
"It's not that big a deal, Hagane," Roy said, smirking down at the boy.

For [personal profile] anoyo-- Roy/Ed, "What are you doing to that cat, INSERTNAMEHERE(you pick)?"

For [profile] zip_zero_nada-- Envy/Wrath, "Brats like you should be in their beds right now."

Nondrabbles for others:

For [profile] tsukiguujin, I said I'd flesh out that first Ed/Al/Roy drabble.

Hey, [profile] chauni, are you still interested in co-writing some Nazi!Envy for [profile] malica_blacke (ok, yeah, and for our own sakes, too!), or should we just flop a coin over it?

My own desires:

Finish Cat's Cradle

Obey the whims of the Totally Promiscuous FMA Pairing Machine and write a Lust/Martel R-rated fic involving a pistol, a sofa, and the sun.

Start! (O_o!?) a Lust/Gluttony WAFFy, sweet drabble, just to disturb other people. ^_^

And, what I most want to do right now...
Start! (onward, brave author!) a Kimbley/Mustang fic.
Yeah, you read that right.
I have suddenly realized the sheer volume of potential to be mined there... almost as disturbing as EnEdo, with all the goodies I like writing: noncon, violence, and a very twisted mind, and Wheee! Dammit! It's crazy 'splodey pyromania hatesex luff! (Colorbar, anyone? ^_^) My God, YES! YES!
I am so writing this. ^_^ (And I have such a great series of titles for a set of KiMustang ficcies too! Whoot!)

SO! *cracks knuckles* In between reading for my New Testament class tomorrow, and doing normal real-life things today, I am writing fanfic! I hope to get at least three of the drabbles done today, make some headway on "Cat's Cradle", and start "Volatile". ^_^ Tee-hee!
lykomancer: (Power corrupts)

First drabble request meme for [profile] devils_devotion: Roy/Ed

Second drabble request meme fics:
For [profile] tsukiguujin-- Roy/Ed, "You want me to do WHAT!?" Ed said, face filling with color.
"It's not that big a deal, Hagane," Roy said, smirking down at the boy.

For [personal profile] anoyo-- Roy/Ed, "What are you doing to that cat, INSERTNAMEHERE(you pick)?"

For [profile] zip_zero_nada-- Envy/Wrath, "Brats like you should be in their beds right now."

Based off of MSNM rp group:
Lust/Gluttony-- fluffy, WAFFy, cuteness.

For the hell of it/non-drabbles:
Finish "Cat's Cradle"
Nazi!Envy, dammit!
More EnEd, 'cause it maketh me so very, very happy.

EDIT: OH, yeah! Heh. I have to write a story about having a pet!Evan, 'cause me and Marybeth were talking about that today, and I told her I would write about it and then post it. ^_^

For school:
Evaluation of year's classes


I think it's going to be official, starting this Saturday.
I think I am just going to compile a list of fandoms and pairings that I will write, and take one drabble request per week from anyone who asks.
That keeps me writing and exploring new territories, and it keeps you happy 'cause I write for you, and then it's all good.
I will take requests every weekend from 12 am Saturday until 11:59 pm Sunday, and then post the results sometime every Friday; that way, I have enough time to handle them. If I don't get a chance to get them all finished by Friday, I will let you know, since it will probably be homework that would interfere the most. (That said, the above list might take me longer this week, since I has a guest over and I feel bad ignoring the person in my bed for my computer. Be patient, please!)
If you want to request a NON-DRABBLE (that is, anything over the length of 700 words), you can... HOWEVER, equivalent trade starts kicking in. Art, fics, layouts, icons, wallpapers, etc. are all acceptable trades for longer fics! When in doubt, ask!
Sound good?
lykomancer: (Default)
Feeling a bit out of it now and then the last few days. Sleepy, tired, lethargic, bored and yet restless, angry, obstinate. I don't know what my problem is.

I'm getting stuff done, and sometimes I'm even doing a good job on it. I'm very happy with my Taoism midterm (in which I compared the tao of the Tao-Te Ching and the logos of The Gospel of John); I've stitched up the massive holes in three pairs of my jeans; I mailed off my FAFSA, organized my closet, located my sandals, did most of my reading for tomorrow's classes, wrote more on my original story for my writing class, and started a new piece of fanfic (Envy/Ed/Wrath, for those curious).

There's a free Stuart Davis concert in St. Paul this Sunday that I will, of course, be attending.

Speaking of this weekend... *raises a brow* May or may not be having company. *pokes [ profile] wolfe_guardian* I don't know if that plan's still go, but you are always welcome here, darlin', and I do mean always. (What? Don't you know? You were adopted! ^_^) You're a delight, truly.
And in another week, [ profile] ozen will be gracing me with her lovely, lively presence. Yippie! I'm so looking forward to it.

I actually have a job interview with--of all places!--the Sanrio store in the Mall of America on Monday. (Because I'm such a Hello Kitty-type person! *snortlaugh*)
Hell, I even got my hundred dollar room deposit back from Northland today, so I have a little more money.

(Things I Still Need to Get Done:
-Develop film
-Return library books!
-Deposit check
-Patch other two pairs of pants
-Write up evaluation)

But I'm just not feelin' the love for some reason.
I'm not feeling like I'm hitting my stride. Everything's a bit off. I'm not trying hard enough. I'm not living up to my potential. I'm not doing good enough; I'm slacking.
But at the same time, I don't want to do anything but slack.

Damn it, I want to be a better person! I want to be someone worthwhile; I want to be someone competent and respectable and friendly and responsible and approachable.
I want to be me, but all the good and none of the bad. I want to be the Mary Sue version of me.
I get so tired of being a fuck-up. Of being a slacker. Or sitting on my ass and blowing time. Of being lazy. Of being irresponsible. Of wasting who I am and what I could be if I just applied myself.

I hate my own hypocrisy.
I hate my envy and useless rage.
I hate my helplessness in the face of my own failings.
I hate all my faults, and if I could take a razor to them and excise them-- like cutting out my right eye or my hand-- I would.
I hate my hatred, but I can't see to do anything about it.

(God, I feel now the way I usually feel when I've been off my Zoloft for a few weeks...and that's not a good sign, 'cause I'm taking the damned stuff. >.< Fuck you, expensive medication.)

I think I need to take some time to back off and assess myself.


Apr. 12th, 2005 10:40 pm
lykomancer: (Sometimes I eat people!)
Oh my god, I ate too much Chinese food at my Taoism class's supper tonight and I feel ill.

I'm going to go pass out in my bed with a book and feel like the greedy gluttonous idiot that I am.

Note(s) to self:
Find sandles.
Rearrange closet (God, the horror!)

Sew more pants
Take library books back

Notes to other people:
For anyone obsessed enough curious about more of my fanfic, I assure you that all of it is now saved in my memories, including scraps of projects I never finished.
Mostly FMA, two Hellsing microfics, and a snippet of an unfinished Chrno Crusade fic.

To be complete in meming all of my own fanfic, I have to first post this one-- from SS's Green Lion Spring contest, last year:

Check )
lykomancer: (WOO-HOO I'm NAKED!)
I had a productive day for once, and I feel pretty good about it, all in all.

Since 10:30 this morning, I:

-Finished my American Religious History midterm essay, citations and all. (It's crappy, but it's done, and that's the important part!)
-Cleaned the bathroom
-Did some of the dishes
-Cleaned one of the kitty litter boxes
-Took the trash out
-Wrote all but the conclusion to my Taoism midterm, which included doing my own translations of the Gospel of John 1:1-5 from Greek and chapters 25 and 42 of the Tao-Te Ching
-Did about half of my reading for tomorrow night's class
-Started sewing a pair of my jeans
-Got a whole bunch of new music, including more Barenaked Ladies, Billy Joel, and Everclear.

I'm rather impressed with my Taoism midterm. I think I'm doing a kick-ass job-- even doing my own translations! I'm proud of myself for it, too.

I think my list for tomorrow is:

-Finish reading before class
-Fill out FAFSA!
-Finish Taoism midterm
-Remember meeting with Paul-sensei at 4:30

-Start on reading for New Testament on Thursday
-Revise and add to Blessed Be for Writing class (also Thursday)
-Possibly get more dishes done
-Sew more of my pants (God, what do I do to the things?)

-Start writing some damned fanfic 'cause I've EARNED my playtime!

And if I manage to get all or most of that done tomorrow, or-- by the latest-- Tuesday morning, then I have done everything I needed to do and then some and will be able to kick back, slack, and relax without feeling guilty!
lykomancer: (Canon Penatration!)
Updated list of What Jess Must Write

Cut to prevent Spam... cause Spam is NASTY )
lykomancer: (A hard-on is not personal growth)
Books I bought and am attempting to read:
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
Wolf Night by Tara K. Harper
The Magic of Shapeshifting by Rosalyn Greene
The Five Gospels by Robert Funk, Roy Hoover, and the Jesus Seminar
The Everything Learning Latin Book by Richard Prior
The Right to Write by Julia Cameron

I really, really recommend The Five Gospels as one of the best translations of the gospels I've seen, and one of the most enlightening, interesting dives into the life of the historical Jesus. Thank you, liberal New Testament scholarship!

If I spent ten minutes a day studying the languages I have previously studied (y'know, to keep up with them and remember more of them), it would take me over an hour.
(Sign language, French, Spanish, Ojibwe, Latin, Koine Greek, and Japanese. That's not even counting in the little snippets of Kiswahili I learned, or the bits of Russian and German.)

[Easiest to learn: French, Greek, and Japanese. Figure that one out.]

I've been thinking a lot lately of taking my language out of the closet (literally), and revamping it, considering how much more I have learned about language structure and evolution since the last time I really worked on it.

God, I'm a geek.
lykomancer: (I won't be the wasted potential)
What Jess does NOT want:
1) To be poor and in debt for the rest of her life.
2) To hurt too many people along the way, while realizing some damage is inevitable.
3) To be bored.
4) To be stuck in any form of dead end-- career-wise, relationship-wise, emotionally, etc.
5) To reproduce.
6) To live someone else's fantasy.
7) To be so jealous/envious of other people.
8) To be confused about what she wants and what she's doing for the rest of her life.
9) To be such a lazy slacker procrastinator I-can-find-a-thousand-ways-to-kill-time bum.
10) To let everything she's done or become or learned go to waste.

What Jess does/might want:
1) To have financial security
2) To have a nice apartment/house that can be modified/customized to her likings without losing money or worrying about the landlord.
3) To be in a comfortable intimate relationship with 1+ other people.
4) To be published.
5) To be an editor or junior editor of fiction novels.
6) To be a junior photographer for some random newspaper or magazine.
7) To do the Peace Corps.
8) To play with wolves again. ^_^
9) To overthrow the religious right and thwart their nefarious plans.
10) To open a bookstore, a pet shop, or a small cafe/diner/restaurant.

Now, what I should do is try to break each one of these "To Do"'s into steps, and then see which of them I can accomplish the easiest and do them first, then take steps to get the more complex ones done.
Easier said than done. [See "Doesn't Want" #9]
Well, I took a step to getting something done at least. Even making the lists centers me a little bit more, and gives me a moment to think about what is important and what I might want to do. It's not like this is etched in stone; I can change my mind, but seeing it written down makes my mind feel less cluttered, y'know?
lykomancer: (Default)
1) Didn't make it back to Anime Detour because of time and scheduling pressures. *sigh*

2) Um... undone. As undone as that other sketch of Teresa-san. Maybe I'll work on those tonight.

3) Done! And I'm really happy with the results. (And the community members all said that it was really in-character. Go me! Yatta!) Losing the Faith )

4) Went. Ate really good food served by a very sweet waitress. Wandered upstairs and watched men who were way prettier and more feminine than I will ever be strut their stuff. Gave them quite a bit of my money in exchange for polite cheek-kisses and got fairly drunk on vodka sours. Happy tail-wagging goodness.
Drag is a wonderful thing. Gender-play is a truly wonderful thing. *drool* Having hot drag queens say "Thank ya, darlin'" into your ear above the pounding music is a. wonderful. thing.

Y'know, I think I want to be in a relationship with someone who would sing this song --points to current music-- to/about me (without me having to tell them to). That'd be spiffy.
lykomancer: (Default)
1) Get dressed and re-hit Anime Detour. Would not have gotten there in time, sadly.

2) Work on AAxI-ishness spoof fanart based off of AxI-ishness in last chapter of Hellsing.

3) Write Hellsing microfic on Maxwell's wonderful, terrible death.

4) Go to Gay '90's with Tom and watch really good drag.
lykomancer: (Default)
Things this stupid puppy has to/should get done over Reading Week:

1. Homework
a) Back reading from American Religious History and Taoism
b) Writing (general) for Spiritual Memoir
c) Read and make notes on the section of the text I will be lecturing on for Amer. Relig. History.

2. Write
a) Blessed Be-- Goal = double the length
b) Two microfics: FMA/SM crossover from hell for [profile] elanivalae and a Saiyuki AU/real world for [profile] spiritravenmoon.
c) A few microfics or short shorts of my own: Saiyuki/Saint Beast crossover (why? I dunno. Seems like a decent idea.), Juvenile Orion slashiness, possible Hellsing and/or FMA slashiness, wish I knew more about DNAngel so I could write that variety of slashiness...

3. Other
a) Clean room
b) Return to some semblance of a gym schedual
c) Keep up with household chores
lykomancer: (Happy)

1. Loan exit interview set up
2. Check up on cap and gown
3. Reservations for stupid lunch thing
4. Get duct tape and boxes
5. Start packing
6. Wash items before they get packed
7. Make sure at least unofficial transcripts get mailed to seminary
8. Return/collect items:
----- a)Pay Jenny for bike and floppy drive
----- b)Get books from Jenny, Angela, Heather, Alicia, and Annie
----- c)Return camera to Honore, books to Jenny, Angela, and Heather, dog collar to Alicia, computer moniter to Kris.
9. Call grandparents and determine how much is in bank account/attempt to con them into putting more in.
10. Talk to Angela's David about meeting up with him in the Cities
11. Talk to other David and misc other professors
12. Love on my friends, who I will miss desperately in the first, frantic month of job-hunting.
13. Organize resume
14. Change mailing address

Moderately important
1. Read for class.
2. Do ethnography interviews for class.
3. Actually write and turn in "learning contract." UNDONE

Not so important
1. Write letters to senators, congresspersons, president, presidential candidates, UN, and anyone else who might listen, outlining my views on gay marriage, the war in Iraq, the Patriot Act, the First Amendment, socialist reform, minimum wage, and religion in the White House.
1.b) Mail above letters.
2. Write EnvyxEd smut.


lykomancer: (Default)

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