May. 19th, 2005 05:04 pm
lykomancer: (This moment is...)
Three finals down; one more to go. Blessed be to the Deity. I can't wait until next week when I have nothingnothingnothing to do except write fic snippets that I promised and some more smut. Huzzah.

I feel so apathetic today-- really dragging. Which is bad, because I had my New Testament final, my last Spiritual Memoir class, and I promised Chester (guy from school) that I'd come and hang out with him and a bunch of his friends tonight at a karaoke bar.
It's so sad; the idea of spending time with real life people makes me cringe and think, I can always cop out of it. Tell 'em I'm sick or something...
Now, this is coming from a person who has absolutely no friends in the area she lives in except for her roommates and said roommates' boyfriends, and the people she talks with at school-- if you can consider them friends and not just acquaintances.
(I have friends in other places; just not in the Twin Cities. And I am terrible at keeping in contact with them.)
I have. NO. Life.
And the idea of meeting new people just exhausts me. I wanna be lazy and sit at home on my ass in front of my computer. Blah.
I'm going despite the fact that I really don't want to precisely because I don't want to. I can't just be a freakin' shut-in recluse. Go out, have some on-tap beer even though I don't like beer, meet new hopefully-cute people, embarrass myself horribly in front of the new people...
Then go home and sit on ass in front of computer. Best of both worlds, considering that I doubt I'll get home any later than 2:30, and with the way my sleep schedule's been running (...*cough*NewZealandtime*cough*...), that's still waaaaayyy early in the evening for me.

(EDIT: HotASLLady? Oh, fuck yeah. She's still hot. Mmmmmm... Tasty-good.
Hope she's still around for me to admire next year...)

Silly little meme, but the answers would satisfy me a lot:
Why am I on your friends list? Comment and tell me. Then post this in your journal.
lykomancer: (Meow dammit)
My HotASLLady, as drawn by me )

Time to take a nap!
lykomancer: (WOO-HOO I'm NAKED!)
...and I suddenly remember how much I love Fullmetal Alchemist and why. *drools shamelessly* The animation, the style, the themes, the characters, the music... *sigh* I am happily falling back in love. (And I just know I'm gonna be sobbing like a little girl come episode 25 again...
...I need to write HughesxEnvy smut!)

I just sat down with Wendy and watched the first nine episodes. Not only am I now readdicted (with my mind already gearing up some EdxEnvy and RoyxEd), but now I've hooked Wendy on it too, to my absolute delight! It's nice to have company, and Wendy's picking up on Japanese phrases as fast as Hagane-no-Ochibi-san can spit them out. ^_^ Yay~!
(Wendy was in tears over NinAlexander. If you get so involved that you cry over characters, you know it's a good series.)

I also am slowly working my way through Wolf's Rain, and I can feel some Tsume/Kiba microfics working their way to the surface. I'm still digging in my total Hige love, though that one moment when Kiba and Cheza meet for the first time is so sweet! Awww... puppy/flower love!
Does anyone know where I might be able to find the end theme to download?

I drew an excellent sketch of Teresa-san, but since my computer was a bitch last week and crashed, my Photoshop isn't working and so I can't scan it it. Sadness and woe. Well, I'm sure Jen will fix it in five minutes when she gets back, so...
*wanders off to stare at said drawing for a few moments*
Really excellent sketch.

Wendy and I lost our Ikea viginity today, and that was an interesting experience. The place is a fruckin' cult! They have their own batteries, and food, and a restaurant. You could literally live there for like a week, and I don't think anyone would notice, provided you slept in different display rooms each night. We brought home catalogs to show to Tom, and now the three of us are possessed with the idea of completely renovating our apartment...

I'm going to bed now, because I should
lykomancer: (Another one like you)
Gawdamm, she's so fuckin' hot.

Until today, I hadn't seen her since about the middle of January except in a few, rare snatches walking out after my Thurday night class. She always said hi, and that was quite satisfactory.
Dreamt about her quite a bit, though. Several times... At least three or four that I can remember. I think I've dreamt of her more than I've dreamt of any one other person in my entire life; how sad is that?

She's short, but still taller than me-- though not by much, with a sturdy, curvaceous body, full and feminine in all the right ways... I mean it; she's a really exaggeratedly curvy gal-- Marilyn Monroe, eat your heart out!-- and to me, her hourglassiness is sexier than hell. My world rocks with the swaying of her hips.
Her face is rounded with a hint of graceful high cheek bones and an almost stubborn set to her square jaw, and her eyes are a stunning shade of aqua-blue, and they gleam like the stars of Cassiopeia when that gorgeous wide, bright smile lights up her face and most of the room. Her nose pierced with a delicate stud that manages to look so natural, so perfectly right gracing the curve of finely-drawn nostril, and her thick, lush hair falls just past her chin, framing her face, streaked and dyed red and blonde, turning away from her face like an aura or halo.
She wears make-up-- and not in the "natural look" kind of way either. Blue shadow to bring out her eyes and mascara to frame them with lashes long and graceful as butterfly feelers. Lovely.
She almost always dresses semi-professionally in black or grey clothes that fit her well, flowing with the shape of her body, and usually wears shoes that I just want to get down and lick. She's got a knee-length black leather coat that just makes me drool, makes me want to pull it off of her, rub my face in it and suck up her scent.
Today, though, rather surprisingly, she was wearing jeans. Really tight jeans. Denim never seemed so sexy.

There's something almost feline about her, I realized today, something sleek and self-satisfied that reminds me of the auburn-tawny long-limbed robust beauty of an African caracal. She's got that air of exoticness about her like a wild cat or a teasing gypsy dancer.

I drew another sketch of her while she worked in my New Testament class. (There's one already in my Deviantart account: FrostRiven) I'll be cleaning that up and scanning it in sometime this week.

YAY for Reading Week! No classes for 10 days! (And then only two classes, and then I get another 7 days off for Easter!) WHOO-fuckin-HOO!
lykomancer: (Default)
(Wendy has this thing that, whenever she sees a hot guy, she imitates a Furby-- remember those scary, scary things?-- doing its "Yum" noise. I love it. It's so cute, and I know instantly what she's doing/thinking.)

Man. Teresa-san wa honto oishii ya kawaii desu ze.
And, fabulously enough, I didn't freak out when she started talking to me. Not at all. No shaking, trembling, stuttering, complete inability to think straight-- I was a cool kitty all the way. Yatta, ne?

Having maraschino-cherry red hair will get anyone's attention. =^_^=
lykomancer: (Default)
...I feel like my brains have been smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick whenever I'm around her.

I am not stupid. I am a highly intelligent, socially competent, attractive woman. I have interesting things to say, I listen well to other people, and I am good friend and I am a worthwhile person to spend time with. I am talented in many fields, and I am always eager to learn more.

...However, whenever I see her, I start shaking and any coherent thought I might have even attempted to have is gone. I feel stupid-- poleaxed. If I look even a third as idiotic as I feel, she's gotta think I have the IQ of a mailbox. The sound of my brain falling out of my head and going splat on the floor is almost audible.
Dude, this ain't right.

And oh my God she's so sexy in that long black coat, her hair dyed a strange shade of deep red... the makeup and the nosering and oh Christ I can't focus on anything except how stupid I have to look to her as I sit there trembling, cowed by the brilliance of her smile.

I think I am going to email her again. I am much, much more competent in writing than in speech, and so...
*sighs and girds her metaphysical loins*
It's worth a shot, right?


Jan. 10th, 2005 01:10 pm
lykomancer: (Happy)


...I got to talk to Teresa-san, who is so very, very hot. And cute. And so, so teasing me with that coy little smile. My, oh my. She has the loveliest blue eyes on the planet. I wanna eat her up with a spoon.
...ah, ta hell with the spoon, actually. ;}

*purrgrowls* Hawt. Haaaawwwttt.... Yumyumyummy.

Damn hormones.
lykomancer: (Default)
Returning to the idea of my housemates...

Wendy is Wendy, though not as high-strung as I remember her, but then, we haven't gotten a whole lot of time to sit around and talk either, since she's working most of the time. I don't think there will be many problems with Wendy.

As for Derrick, what I really want is to "convert" him. I eventually want to get him at the same place as Tom and I. I want to make him more aware that stating that the Japanese can't blink because their eyes are always slanted shut anyway is a racist comment (which he inisted wasn't, because it was true... *SIGH*). I want to nurture and cultivate a sense of social awareness and tact, make him more aware of what he is saying and how it sounds to other people, open up his mind.
Is it going to take a lot of work? Yes.
Is it worth it? Yep.
Am I going to want to throttle him a lot? Oh, yeah.
If he lives through it, he'll be a better person.

Though I am kind of tired of chasing after my housemates and yelling at them:
Please remember to turn off the lights/stereo/tv if you aren't going to be in the room!
Please remember to lock the doors when you leave!
Please stop leaving empty cans/bags/packages in the 'fridge/on the counter/in the cupboards! (Tom, that means YOU!)
Please rinse out the tub when you are done using it! (i.e. "I know that is not my hair in there, because mine is not that long.")
And for the love of God and all that is holy, will someone besides me please take out the trash!?

God, I've become Mommy Jess. Shoot me now.
...actually, shoot them. Someplace non-fatal, of course, since I need them to be able to pay their share of rent.

I'm still a little shell-shocked from yesterday. I randomly start grinning for no appearant reason a lot, thinking with joy and absolute amazement how wonderfully casually pleased she seemed accepting my invitation. She tossed her hair and licked her lips, and I know-- I don't know why I know, but I do-- that those are subtle signs of flirtation.
God, I'm such a dork. ^_^

I have applied for a PR position at a local Unitarian church (8hrs/wk, 13$ per hour); I sent in a short story manuscript to a magazine for possible publication; I am living in a cool, big apartment; and I am sooooo happy 'cause I will eventually be able to see Teresa-san again outside of class.

lykomancer: (Happy)

I...I...I... I... Um... Boku wa...Boku--

*breathes, tried to pull it together, tries not to hyperventilate, giggles hysterically*

I did it!
I asked her out!

She was walking out, and said "Merry Christmas" and the group all waved and I went, "You'll never know if you just don't ask" ("Kikanakareba wakarimasen, deshoo?" actually. I tend to lapse into Japanese when I'm nervous, I note.) and I caught up with her in the library and I started out honestly "I don't do this often,, would you like to go out for coffee or something sometime?"
Yeah, just like that.

And she said, "Sure, I'd like that" and I didn't stop in my tracks with a blurted Nani!? but responded pretty smoothly with a smile and an "Ok, great. Where would you like to...?" and she answered that she wasn't from St. Paul (she's from St. Cloud; I know this because I paid a lot of attention to what she said when she spoke about herself), but that'd she sometimes stayed with a friend in the Metro area and that she'd be around probably for most of January and I said "Oh, what class? and she isn't sure yet and I grinned and asked her about interpreting the Greek class and then we started talking about language, and then she gave me her email.


I have her email!!
And she has mine. And my cell number. XD

And she wandered off saying, "Talk to you soon, hopefully."
"Hopefully," I answered, my head spinning, my legs shaking.
(Yeah, it's bad English. I don't really care right now.)

I asked Theresa-san out on a date and was accepted!


...oh God, what am I going to wear!?

Crud, I need to focus.

YAT-TA! YAT-TA! YAT-TA! *does the "Yatta" dance...fully clothed, though...while squealing*

I wanted to talk more about my housemates, but I really don't have much actual thought in my brain right now; you'll have to excuse me for now.
lykomancer: (Happy)
Went to class. Handed in my annotated pain-in-the-ass-- finished! yatta!
Did not go to chapel or choir; got talking with a 27-year-old from my class and found out that he lived in Japan for a long while and that he would give me some of his books and/or help me out whenever I needed it (NEATO! Chester is sooooo cool!), had a great discussion about all sorts of random stuff while other people wandered in and out of our circle of discussion... and then I went to class, again, which was kind of a strange decision--

Even though I had attended my Historical class on Tuesday, I decided that since I had nothing better to do anyway, I love Paul-sensei, I wanted to see more of Theresa-san, and I get depressed when I leave school on Thursdays to go home, that I should simply sit-in on today's Historical class, too. So I did.

I sat through the entire three hours, even though I planned to only sit there for half of that...*is highly embarrassed*

I had had nothing to eat and three cups of coffee at that point, and I was practically spasming in the mad grips of possession by the Kohiigamitachi/malignant coffee-spirits. I mean, I literally couldn't sit still; I was practically vibrating. And staring-- in my twitchy, spastic way-- at that beautiful, beautiful woman.
Really, I was only going to be there until mid-class break, and then I was gonna leave and head to the Y! Swear't'God! But...but I got terribly, terribly distracted... I was beguiled, dammit!

I was all sittin' there, counting the minutes until break so I could find some food and douse the kohiigami insanity raging in my blood and staring, when suddenly Theresa-san moved to take off her coatish/long blazer type article of clothing.


She must have seen me staring. That's the only explanation I can find for the next ten minutes. My God, I've never been so acutely flustered (for no good reason!) before in my life.

She paused a moment, grinned, and reached to take the coat off again while looking quite pointedly at me and smiling. I fuckin' nearly lost it; I was already all giddy and giggly and weird with caffeine. I must have been the color of a stop sign, grinning like a bona fide idiot and trying to look anywhere but at her even though the room's not that big and she was pretty much in my line of sight no matter where I looked. And even after she was done taking that off, she continued to look directly at me-- Ok, yeah, it might have been related to my supremely, embarrassingly bizarre behavior, I'll give you that, but still!

I got myself together by attempting to school my brain into an attempt to write "Jesus Christ" (as in, "Jesus Christ, what in the hell is she trying to do, kill me?") in katakana.
That accomplished and feeling calmer, I noted that she had focused her attention on Paul-sensei. Ah.
Thank you, God.
Oh, but no...she looked up right as I breathed a sigh of relief and locked eyes with me, sending me into another paroxysm of lunacy.

Smiling. She was fucking smiling.

And we repeated this little "dance" of glancing, (me) freaking out/(her) grinning, looking away, glancing a total of four times. FOUR?! I mean, is that really necessary? Isn't that a bit excessive?

Christ. *needs a smoke/drink-- badly*

That was hard on my nerves. I was completely spooked by the time I bolted for break, driven out of the room by a heart-palpitating mix of caffeine and adrenaline. (And, yeah, I was also hot and bothered. I'll admit it; I'm a perv; her staring at me makes me hot.)

And so I stayed for the second half of class even though I wasn't going to.
I was beguiled, dammit.

*aggravated noise of despair*
Why? LuvaGod, I've only ever had a real, major crush on one other woman in my life; what is it about Theresa that just drives me out of my fucking mind? Why do I find her so entirely, incredible, perfectly beautiful, so utterly desireable? I don't even know anything about her! Why does she just get under my skin like some kind of disease every single time I'm near her? God...I mean, is this just simple hormonal lust or what? I've never felt such overwhelming lust for someone who was a virtual strange to me before, ever...and I don't know if I'm even willing to chalk it all down to lust, either.

...Christ, WTF.
lykomancer: (Default)
Welcome to the crazy farm.

Wendy-- my best friend from high school-- and Derrick-- a kid who graduated from the same high school a year before us-- are both coming and moving in with me and Tom just after Thanksgiving. They should be here between the 30th and 2nd.
My household just doubled.
Tom already found us a new apartment, which we will be looking at and (no doubt) be making the deposit on tomorrow evening. It's a recently remodeled three-bedroom a block from the art institute and three from Nicolet Ave, and they mostly rent out to graduate students and young professionals. Off-street parking, laundry, all utilities except electric included, first month's rent waived, 1200/month.

I have to be a little more careful with my money right now, as I will be making the deposit, and we're gonna need a U-Haul, and we're gonna need some more furniture (such as futons for everyone except Tom), etc. ect.

That said, I just went clothes shopping and blew 240$.
It hurts me.
But...I haven't really gone clothes shopping in since junior high, so I guess it's about time. I was having a panic attack in the middle of an aisle-- heart palpitations, difficulty breathing, chest pain, emotional distress-- because I was so completely freaked out by the idea of wasting money on clothes; I had to retionalize it by saying to myself that I would even think twice if I was buying books instead of clothes, and books are a lot less practical. Still, I feel really uneasy about it.
Call me sexist, but I just thought that all women could just naturally clothes shop and know what to buy and so on and so forth...but damn, I don't know how to shop! And I don't like it, either. Hours in freakin' Target trying on clothes that are too small, strain across my bust, too big, the wrong color, sweating as I change in and out of outfits, bumpng my elbows into the fitting room walls, steering my cart into racks of sweaters, my hair sticking up and all-around looking and feeling frumpy and frazzled.

I'm slowly working up my courage to ask Theresa-san (aka: HotASLLady) out. It's stress-inducing. I'm unhappy about it. I'm going to do it anyway so that no one can call my a coward and say I didn't try.
God, I hope she likes Italian.

Stop being weird and talking about one another and sex in public. Stop being judgemental. Stop qualifying yourselves.
Or, if you want to do those things, do it face to face.
...yeah, you know I'm talking about you.
lykomancer: (Default)
So... my therapist-- Xan-- finally decided that I need to take the crazies test and possibly get put on meds.
This is because I told her about my funfunfun week in Ashland; damn, if I had known that's all it would take to get my Zoloft...
I think I frustrate her a lot. I also think she's just trying-- at this point-- to get me to say that I feel "sad" (instead of frustrated/annoyed/angry/disheartened) and to say that I am lonely, which even though I am most of the time, I won't say, though I'll agree with her when she says it.

I got another A- on a Historical paper.
I wish I could be just like Paul-sensei! If I were male, and it legal, I'd marry the man; I love him so damn much-- and I don't even really know why! I absolutely do not understand my infatuation with him, not at all. Although at the potluck on Tuesday before class, I did find out that I'm not the only one. Apparently, he has a small cult following, and no one really gets why they like him so much.
I guess that's what you call charisma!

I also think the married male TA in Historical was hitting on me. !O.o;;; And the chiropractor that's in the class told me that my ribs still hurt-- yeah, still, two weeks after the fact-- because I probably cracked the cartilage. Skippy. And then he told me that he was trying to get rid of some computers; did I want his number?
(Even though he says that they're still Windows 98 and not too much better than the one I've currently got, I'm thinking that I can salvage some of the parts; I mean, what the hell? it's free.)

Speaking of that, I'm browsing computers on the internet, but realize I have no idea what I'm looking for. Could someone give me some stats so that I can have a basis for comparison?
(Like this: "Intel Pentium 4 Processor, 2.8GHz, 512MB RAM, 200GB Hard Drive, 4X DVD+/-RW Drive, Windows XP Home Edition." ...OK, fabulous, and this means what to me?)

I need to stop buying manga.
Like really.
I have about 250$ worth of manga now, and I want MORE! It's like candy; I can't stop buying it. Y'know, I'd say, "OK, I'll just buy the rest of the series I've started, and then stop" but even if I bought the rest I'd just move on to another series. (Like Kenshin, which I've never seen/read but have heard so much about.)
I've totally abandoned my interest in fantasy (except for the Dark Tower series, which is finally finished...but I'm waiting for it to come out in paperback), books on disease, religion...all my favorites...for the junk-food that is manga.
Can't go into Borders; can't go into Borders; can't go into Borders...

And I need to find an art supply store. Like a real one. Although, everytime I ask someone if there's one in the nearby area (no matter where I am), they always direct me to Office Max.
Ok, kids, Office Max is NOT an art supply store. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I know this because, for example, they don't sell linseed oil.
So stop telling me to go there.

I should go to chapel.

HotASLlady is so very, very hot. I ran into her on my way to choir and my heart felt like it literally stopped. It hurt.
I am also very impressed with (I think his name's Brian) the new ASL person that's in Thursday's Historical class (which, since Tom dropped the class we shared on Tuesday night, I more of an excuse to attend, because it's easier for me to get to and from Thurday afternoon's class than to and from Tuesday night's. This means more HotASL-ness. Yippee for me!); he's cute when he smiles, too.

...I'm not really a walking ball of hormones.
lykomancer: (Happy)
I. Really. Want. HotASLLady/Theresa.


Horny ramblings about HotASLLady )

Annie, if you ever move down here and we get a different apartment, I want to live in/nearer to Saint Paul (rather than Minneapolis). I like St. Paul better.

So, yes, I put in my two week's notice for work, and asked for most of next week off-- I should be in Ashland starting Tuesday-- and am now (pretty much) self-employed as a writing tutor at seminary. I can make my own hours and charge whatever I feel is reasonable...though I'm not sure what "reasonable" means in this case.
I'm technically not done with work until Halloween, but...Heh, bad Jess...since I asked for Tuesday through Friday off of next week, and that would mean that I'd be ending my vacation in Ashland to go back for my last two days of work, I might skip them and stay in Ashland for Halloween.
I remember parts of last Halloween, and what I remember, I want to experience again. ^_^
lykomancer: (Happy)
I'm having a spectacularly wonderful day.

I spoke to Hot ASL Lady, and I managed to do it a)clearly, b)coherently, c)non-pervertedly. Yes, ladies and gents, I held an actual, reasonable, two-minute conversation with Hot ASL Lady without becoming flustered in any way.
Her name is Theresa, and she was sick today. (Is it bizarre that I find myself slightly hopeful that I caught her germs? I think maybe...) My God, I even touched her to shake her hand.
(For some reason, my brain was very, very insistant on trying to speak to her in Japanese-- and yes, I could have done my entire half as such-- though I don't have any idea why "Onamae wa nan desu ka?" and the rest sprang to my lips and denied almost completely the English equivalent. Thank God for my subconscious and its reflexive nature.)
When I think about this I get a very bad case of the fluff-headed looney giggles. I feel that I suddenly have a firmer grasp on the definition of "twitterpated."

Chapel was touching as always, and I only wish the preacher-of-the-day would just continue instead of stopping. Today's subject was a homily on the story of Jacob wrestling with God, and how our struggles are transforming and our pain a blessing, and I moved, so...indescribably syncopated with Jan's words and message. When life gets too hard, I may be suffering, but there is a purpose to it. I just need to keep in mind that it is not forever; I do have the power to change parts of my situation; this is making me stronger. It brings me closer to God, until I see face to face.
(However, over and over at seminary, despair is described as heresy. Augustine claimed it was the heresy against hope; many preachers and teachers say that it is the inverse of faith... That doubt and questioning are healthy for faith, but that despair and faith are completely incompatible. Having dragged myself through periods of depression and despair, I seriously disagree. It is when I am most in despair that I feel the most faith.)
lykomancer: (Happy)
Second week of classes. My 2-page paper written and turned in, my assignments read, my peer groups introduced...
and I'm having the time of my life! ^_^

I love this! I feel so energized and good here, even during my evening class after working all day since seven am, even during my morning class that begins at eight. I get on campus and I don't want to leave; I could happily hang out here all day... in the library, on the lawn. Where ever. I feel great-- focused, aware, attentive. The people are all so friendly, and my professors are some of the best lecture-ers and speakers I have ever heard. Paul Captez (hey look, Jenny, another Paul!) lectured all Tuesday night, and I was not only interested in what he was saying (and how well he said it), but for the first time in my life, I took lots of notes! Eleazar and Chris, my Intro class profs, find the most eloquent yet understandable ways of making and illustrating points, and I can really see why Chris is the Preaching professor. I can't wait to take her class now.

I attend Thursday chapel ever week so far, and plan to continue doing so, and I just joined the choir-- the first choir I've been in since ninth grade, and man, does it feel good! I'm very excited and hope that we are able to preform for chapel service sometime this year. That'd rock my socks.

And with Tom up in Ashland for two to three days, I get the private alone time I so desperately, desperately need, so I'm feeling a lot more sane. Time sans Tom is happy, tail-wagging Inu-no-Jess-chan time.

I don't mean to say that everything is peaches and cream. I mean, I'm still working thirty-plus hours a week at the freakin' bakery; I failed my budget pretty righteously (I'll talk to Judith about that); and now that I've stayed on campus for choir and to write this, I have just witnessed the weather go from post-card perfect to abysmal in ten minutes and I have to walk to my bus stop; I need a new bus pass badly, and don't feel like going downtown to get one; I haven't heard back about my interview; et cetera, et cetera...

I feel stable, sane, happy, healthy. I am meeting new people and learning new things. I am advancing my education, and involving myself in my community. None of these are bad things.

And the one sign language interpreter for the deaf girl in my Intro class is hot.
Really hot.
I could stare at her-- yes, her; you read that right-- all day. Happily. Hornily. With an idiot grin plastered all over my stupid mug.
Hot ASL translator gives me yet another reason to attend class regularly! ^_~

Thank ya, God, and amen.


lykomancer: (Default)

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