May. 4th, 2013

lykomancer: (Sold the World)
Have now spent over a week being strangled by depression. Mornings start okay-ish, but by eight pm I'm a ball of emotional agony-- touchy and snappish and constantly sobbing.

I filed for Minnesota Care. Jinya thinks she's found me a decent doctor and at this point I'm ready to claw at someone's face to get their attention anyway. I want medication...but just as much, I want the validation of a medical professional saying, "Yes, there's a reason you are this way."


The only thing I'm really proud of right now is my savings-- that is, I have some. I've been doing the 52 week savings plan since the 1st of the year and throwing in my SPIFF bonuses from every check on top of it.

This is the most money I've ever managed to save, and it's a little depressing to realize that, in the course of five months, I've only managed to save up half as much as I'd need to buy a nice new bike.

I've gotten really weird about it, though. I guess it's a form of control, like dieting for my finances. Originally, I was going to let myself take my SPIFF back out if I wanted some extra cash, but now I'm really resistant to the idea.

On top of this, I'm also pulling out $150 every paycheck for upcoming rent and moving costs. Right now, it's not unusual for me to pull out 60-75% of each paycheck just for savings. All of the rest-- every drop-- goes for food and transportation to work.


I haven't invested any money in stuff I need to do my herbal projects. I have a hard time rationalizing the expenditure. (Especially with snow still on the ground.) Will I actually be able to sell anything I make and re-coop ANY of the money? Just the containers alone-- the tins and bottles-- can add up to quite a bit, and that's not including the base oils and alcohols, the jars and cheesecloth, the labels, etc.

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lykomancer

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